Taking Another Shot
by xXPlayedByLifeXx
Summary: Years after the finale. Rory's in New York and has changed. Still, is she as happy as it seems? What happens to this "new Rory" when Logan comes back into the picture? Will she continue hiding from the truth? Give it a shot, better than it sounds. HIATUS
1. Shot 1

Hey guys, this is my first Gilmore Girls fanfiction, so please be nice ;) However, this is a few shot, telling a short story about how Rory and Logan meet again some years after the finale of season 7. Every chapter will have some kind of soundtrack if you wanna put it that way, so every chapter's a sonfic. Give it a shot please, I hope you like it. The song is "Too YOung" by Queensbury.

Enjoy reading and REVIEW!

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Rory was standing in front of her mirror, checking her appearance one last time before she'd head off in her limo to the party tonight. She sighed slightly, not knowing why she was in such a depressed mood.

_I'm looking pretty fine, in fact I'm sure Tom will tell me just how amazing I'm looking. Well, he better should say that, after all he bought me this freaking expensive dress. But that's what you get when you have a high-society boyfriend, I guess. You get expensive presents and dates and all you have to accept is always being the second priority – after the business of course. But that's what I wanted, what I chose, like my dearest mother's always reminding me._

Rory heard her cell ring in her purse and knew it was Tom, who was waiting in the limo for her and was getting impatient, because she was taking so long. So Rory grabbed her purse and left her apartment, the one that she had bought when she had came to New York. The big apple had been good to her ever since. She had a great job at the newspaper "the Times" now and everything was working for her, an exclusive boyfriend most girls would kill for and with only saying her boyfriend's last name she was nearly always getting the attention she wanted. Just that Rory had never thought she would be that kind of girl one day, that with 25 years she would like being a society girl by all means.

_That was it what made me and my mother grow apart__ I guess. Now it's easy to see, she's still in Stars Hollow and hating society while I've joined the dark side. God, I really miss mom. I miss her stupid calls at the random times; I miss her crazy comments and thoughts. I miss sharing everything with her. But just like Lane told me, I made my decision, although I wasn't even noticing it. The more I became the girlfriend Tom wanted me to be and the more I concentrated fully on my career the more I seem to create an abysm between me and the people I once loved. _

Rory left the building she was living in and said politely "good-bye" to Frank, the portiere. Then she climbed into the limo that was awaiting her, kissing her boyfriend "hello" as a good girlfriend was supposed to do. He told her how amazing she looked – big surprise- and then told the driver to speed up a bit.

"How will it look if I'm late? I asked Barton to bring the contract with him tonight and I promised Darcy to get it all wrapped up before 9 p.m. damn it!" Tom ordered the driver angrily. Rory felt slightly sorry for being the cause of Tom yelling at the driver once again. Tom would of course never yell at Rory, that was un-gentlemanlike, so he blamed the driver instead. Poor guy. But Rory didn't say a thing, there was a time she would have, but nowadays she knew that it just wasn't her place to criticize her boyfriend in front of the driver, or anyone for that matter. So she just stared out the window, admiring once again the lights of NYC at night.

_Sometimes I look back and I can't believe what happened ever since I left home, left Yale. It seems like all of that belongs to another person's life. __I was so naïve back then, it's like I've been a child, still believing in fairy tales. I thought I'd made it to the Times just with my talent and that I'd find "the One" for me. Well, talent hasn't gotten me anywhere, Tom has. He might not be how I always wanted my One, my soul mate, to be, but most likely my expectations were too high. _

"So, darling, did you talk to Maria, will she and her husband come tonight?" Tom asked Rory business like and Rory knew that this was one of the times where he wasn't her boyfriend. He had asked her to do something for him and he expected these things to be done. He had gotten her a brilliant job at the Times after all. Rory smiled at him shortly, needing a moment to force the sad thoughts out of her mind.

"Of course, I did talk to her. She's not coming though." Rory paused when she saw the resentment beginning to show on Tom's face that normally had so lovely features. She had always been captivated by his blue, warm eyes in the beginning, though the attraction had begun to fade with the time. It were moments like this when she was silently asking herself how the hell she ended up where she was nowadays, the times she regretted not having accepted Logan's proposal. She probably would be happier now if she had.

"But her husband is coming through, so your plans shouldn't be troubled." Rory added before Tom could say anything. Immediately his expression changed into an approving one Rory had once misjudged as a caring one. Now he was telling her what a perfect girlfriend she was and how much he loved her and stuff. She wasn't really paying attention. It meant nothing, not in this world. Or should to be more precisely: not in his world.

_I shouldn't be thinking this way. Tom's a great boyfriend. So he's serious about his work, but in the end that's to my benefit too, after all he pays for nearly everything. And when he takes me out or we spent a night together he's like the sweetest guy. Then there's nothing that reminds me of the business-Tom, the cold, rational, not-caring Tom.__ So what am I complaining about?_

"Mr Welton, Miss Gilmore-Hayden, we're here." The driver informed the pair on the backseat, but Tom had already left the car before the driver had finished his first word. Rory reminded herself of waiting faithfully until Tom was there to open the door for her, something he insisted to do, especially on these society parties and other occasion like this.

Inside the big building that reminded one of some kind of palace, Rory and Tom quickly split up; he was going to his friends and business partners while Rory was obliged to go to the other society women. There she would hear about the latest gossip and chat a little bit with the right ladies. As a woman of high society Rory didn't mind these things anymore, she had gotten used to it and secretly enjoyed laughing at these women and their so-called problems. In her opinion they were all nothing but little, rich, arrogant bitches who happened to get themselves an even richer man, but Rory had pretended long enough to be one of them to not get busted on her real opinions.

A good hour after she had arrived, Rory was already sitting at the bar, in the back corner so that hopefully she would have some privacy. She looked at the others who were sitting at the bar, sipping at their drinks. There were mostly guys, but also a few women who were so obviously hitting on a man next to them that it was really ridiculous, even for society standards. Rory concentrated on her drink again and thought about the reason she had went to hide at the bar so soon already. She had seen two people she had been avoiding since she had left college.

_Finn's here. It's sad somehow that I haven't once talked to him since… graduation. I've seen him sometimes, but I never had the guts to really talk to him. It's easier this way. Way easier. Especially since Finn's here today and I've seen Mitchum Huntzberger in person too,__ so it's most likely that Logan's here too and I'd rather die than talk to him again – ever. _

Like on his cue a certain blonde young man came through the crowd, sitting down not that far from Rory. It didn't take her long to spot him with his favorite drink. He hadn't changed much. He was still looking unbelievable good. His looks should be forbidden. Yet he looked somewhat older, more grown up. She had heard quite a bit about Logan and knew that he was now a serious business man and that he wasn't partying all night anymore. Now that she saw him, Rory truly believed for the first time that this Logan wasn't doing some stupid Life and Death Brigade stuff anymore. Rory felt herself wishing to go back to college and to stay there forever, together with him, not worrying that much about the next year, only about getting an A in the next exam.

_**What If I Could Turn Back Time Tonight  
Play Fighting G**__**ames With You  
Like We Used To **_

Suddenly Logan looked in her direction, he had probably felt her stare since he had been so good in detecting stares in college. Rory blushed slightly, embarrassed being caught at such blatantly staring.

_**And You Could Say Its Gonna Be Alright **_

How much Rory wished in this moment where their eyes locked after all these years that she could just go straight over to him and kiss him, hug him, tell him that she still loved him. That he would tell her he loved her too and that everything was going to be alright. That they had a future together, not apart ever again.

_**But These Days Are Gone  
**_

But that sadly enough wasn't in the card anymore and Rory knew that just too well. So she just smiled softly, trying to convey everything she felt, all the contradicting emotions with this one look. She was afraid how he would react through, she had wondered often enough what would happen if they ever met again and after some time she had begun to be more certain that he wouldn't be happy to see her again After all she had dumped him, turned his proposal down and had left the state.

_**I Never Forget It **_

Like she could ever forget that day either, she had been so confused and scared back then. It was kind of like it had been with Dean at the beginning, where she hadn't been able to tell him back that she loved him too. She had never planned on getting married, since the whole thing hadn't ever worked out for her parents. But when Logan had proposed she had been forced to think about it. When she had realized that she didn't want to say "yes" she had thought she didn't love Logan in the right way and had broken up with him entirely. How wrong she had been.

_**Cause I Had The Time  
Of My Life **_

Logan's piercing brown eyes locked with Rory's and she saw the surprise, the shock and all these emotions in his eyes, knowing that he felt the way she did. But then his expression changed into a firm, distant one. This wasn't the Logan who had loved her once.

A pang of pain shot through Rory's heart, or maybe it was just disappointment. So Logan had fallen out of love with her and he had moved on, just like she had, or pretended to have. He probably hadn't asked himself over and over what the hell had gone wrong with them.

_**Oh Maybe We Were Just **__**Too Young  
Hanging Out  
Having Fun  
On The Mainstreet  
Living Like We Would Live Forever **_

When Logan looked back down on his drink the spell Rory had been under, that one that didn't allow her to look away or do anything at all, vanished. Rory grabbed her purse and quickly walked away from the bar, away from her former boyfriend. It hurt to leave him behind once again, but she had been there and done that and she knew she'd be alright.

_It's for the better this way. If I had talked to him, he might tell me he was there this day after the graduation. I had been coming back to the apartment, ringing the bell to tell him that I changed my mind. When I realized he wasn't in there or wasn't going to open, I called his sister and she told me he had probably left town already. It was then when I knew that I had to move on, I had made my decision and it had been childish to change my mind all over again._

_**But you´re gone away  
Like A Runaway Train  
Want You To Know That Like I Miss You Like Crazy  
Sometimes  
Oh Maybe We Were Just Too Young  
We Were Just Too Young**_

Rory went on the roof of the skyscraper, it was filled with exotic plants and stuff, and it remembered her of a garden like she used to have one back in Stars Hollow. She thought about everything she had been through together with Logan. The whole open relationship stuff at the beginning. How they had finally really gotten together. How she moved in with him after Paris had thrown her out. How she had found out he had slept with all these girls but how she still hadn't been able to end it for good. How she had fallen in love with him all over again, how she had stopped moping after his accident.

_**It Was Always You and Me  
Against The World  
Breaking Every Rule  
That Was To Break  
Living In A F**__**ilm Where Boy Meet Girl  
But I Disappeared Not Saying A Word  
Still I Had The Time Of My Life **_

How she had had the time of her life every minute she had spend with him. He had made her feel special, loved, perfect even. Back then everything had been in the cards and she had been entirely happy.**  
**  
_**Oh Maybe We Were Just Too Young  
Hanging Out  
Having Fun  
On The Mainstream  
Living Like We Would Live Forever**_

"Rory?" A male voice asked from behind and ripped Rory out of her thoughts. Rory spun around and found herself facing Finn, he still looked the same. Rory had to think of how Lorelai had always called him "the hot Australian" and things like that.

"Finn. Hey. It's good to see you." Rory said smiling softly and hugged him shortly. She was glad to see people of her past again, some she wasn't fighting with or who weren't angry with her. People who were actually talking to her.

"How are you, love?" Finn asked with his usual lighthearted tone, he even sounded slightly drunk. He grinned at her his trademark grin and Rory felt once again how badly she missed the college times.

"I'm fine. What have you been up too?" She asked curious about what the hell Finn must be doing nowadays.

"Took over my father's business last year after he passed away."

"Finn, god, I'm so sorry. I didn't know…" Rory began rambling, searching for words to excuse her stupid question.

"How could you? You turned Huntz down and never called once ever since." Finn said lightly, but a serious tone was in his voice too.

_**But you´re gone away  
Like A Runaway Train  
**__**Want You To Know That Like I Miss You Like Crazy  
Sometimes  
Oh Baby We Were Just Too Young  
We Were Just Too Young**_

"Yeah. I'm sorry about that too. I was so stupid." Rory admitted honestly and smiled shyly at her old friend.

"No problem love. I forgive you. Just don't be a stranger ever again, alright?" Finn asked grinning. Rory nodded contently that she had her old friend back. "Now you must excuse me, a certain redhead's waiting for me downstairs. I told her I needed to talk to an old friend and I don't want her to get caught up in someone different." Finn added and grinned recklessly at Rory.

"So you're still the same old Finn, I guess?" Rory asked laughing. Finn winked and left her. She watched him leave with a smile on her face. She knew it was gonna be ok between them from now on. But before Finn left the roof for good he turned around and shouted something over to Rory.

"I haven't changed, but Huntz has. Although some things never change, you know. True love lasts." With that he left the roof. Rory starred after him, not knowing what to think about these last words. Did he actually think Logan was still in love with her?

_**Tell Me Do You Feel Like I Do  
Or Is It Just A Memory**__**  
**_

_He's not. He looked at me and the old spark wasn't there anymore. It's over now and I better not get my hopes up high. Besides, I'm with Tom. I'm happy and I got everything I could ask for. Logan and I… We just weren't meant to be, I guess._

_**Oh Maybe We Were Just**__** Too Young  
Hanging Out  
Having Fun  
On The Mainstream  
Living Like We Would Live Forever  
**_

When Rory came back into the big hall later after Tom had called her cell several times; she wasn't seeing either Finn or Logan and she was pretty glad about that. She had ignored Tom's calls, but now she was ready to be Rory Gilmore-Hayden again, leaving Rory Gilmore behind once again.

Not long after Tom had found her again and was talking to her, Rory spotted a familiar face behind Tom. It was Logan, staring at her, clearly waiting to get a chance to talk to her.

"Tom. Would you excuse me a second? I need to go to the ladies' room."

"Sure, hon. Just make sure you're not vanishing into thin air once again." Tom said somewhat annoyed. Rory nodded and threw him an apologetic look. She knew how important these things were to him. But right now she didn't really care about him. All she could think of was the blonde young man who was awaiting her.

_**Want You To Know That**__** Like I Miss You Like Crazy **_

_**Sometimes**_

While she approached him she realized that she needed this. She needed to talk to him, she needed closure. That was the reason she had never been able to move on. She needed a clean break and not the mess that she had left behind. She needed to explain things to him and hear him say that he forgave her. Everything would be alright after this conversation.

_**Baby We Were Just Too Young  
We Were Just Too Young**_

_**

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**_Sooo, tell me what you think and if I should continue or not... :)


	2. Shot 2

Thanks for the awesome reviews. Wow, 6 reviews for the first chapter, I think that tops all my other stories... :) However, I'm glad you liked it, especially since I had thought this wasn't good enough... :) Anyways, I hope you like this chap, I know you're probably wondering about who this Rory Gilmore-Hayden is and what had happened since she left college, but you'll have for the next chapter until you'll know ;)

**Respones:**

**Sunnel:** thanks for the review and the compliment, I'm always glad to hear that I can really write in english too since it's not my first language.

**PhoebeTheQueensOfDragons:** Thanks for reviewing and I'll try to update quickly. It's always the question when I find the right song/inspiration, because once I start writing I just need to go with the flow and that's pretty fast.

**HallKids:** I think they will ;) I'm a Rogan fan too. Yeah, the ending sucked really. But it's like that with most shows I like. THe endings always suck. Good thing though: That always makes me want to write a better ending ;)

**apalusa-light: **Yeah, once again, thanks for the constructive critism. I answered you already and changed the part into brown eyes ;) Hope you like this chap :)

**Hopeless Romantic In Love:** You see, I'm continuing ;) Thanks for the review!

**Vanessa 85:** You didn't have to wait very long, now did you? ;)

~Thanks For All Of Your Reviews, I Really Appreciate Them!~

Enjoy reading and review!

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Shot No 2

Logan was waiting for Rory to come away from that guy she was talking too. She smiled at this guy, but Logan saw satisfied that it wasn't the same smile she used to address at him. There wasn't the loving look in her eyes that had always made him kind of dizzy, that look that made him change who he had been before her. But from the way the boy was behaving and GRABBING Rory, Logan was pretty sure that he was her boyfriend.

_What a waste, Rory's way too good for this guy. Seriously, Rory's not the girl for grabbing like this. She's got class and I'm sure she doesn't know this boy very long, nor will they stay together. Rory would never ever lower her standards enough to give this guy a chance._

Though all his thoughts didn't explain why she had given him a chance in the first place. Logan scolded himself for his own thoughts. It was none of his business what Rory Gilmore was doing nowadays. It hadn't been for quite a while and probably wouldn't be ever again.

Some would think he hated her now, since she had turned down his proposal and had just left him standing there after graduation, shattering his heart. But he didn't. After all it wasn't Rory's fault that he wasn't able to get over her. He would have never thought that Rory was the one to break up with him, he had always pictured her as the one constancy, the one thing he could always count on, Rory's love for him.

Then –finally- her eyes were meeting his and he knew she had spotted him. Instead of turning away or ignoring her gaze he locked eyes with her and told her wordlessly to come over. He wanted to talk to her. If she wanted.

Logan had to smirk while he was watching how Rory excused herself from her wannabe-boyfriend and came over to him while THIS GUY was walking into the opposite direction, not even paying attention to where his girlfriend was actually heading. Logan wanted to punch the guy for not valuing what luck he had with having Rory all to himself. But that wasn't important, all that counted was that Rory was approaching, coming to him. Right now.

Rory walked over to Logan, she smiled softly when she saw the familiar smirk that was his trademark on his face. God, how she had missed this smirk and these eyes. She saw how Logan motioned with his head to his left, her right and she saw a little door that obviously led into another room or office or something. She understood that he wanted some privacy for their chat and nodded barely, heading now directly for the said door.

Although Rory was still smiling, putting on a happy façade she was nervous. She didn't know where she and Logan stood after everything that happened and she wasn't sure if she wanted to find out. But she knew that she needed this. That she needed this to get over him for good. Maybe she would be more happy and grateful for the life she led now afterwards.

When she entered the room that turned out to be a little office she breathed in deeply, knowing, or rather feeling, that Logan would come in seconds after her. She didn't even bother to close the door.

And she was right, as soon as he had closed the door behind him and their eyes met again she could feel her stomach jump. There it was, this feeling she used to have all the time when they were together. The feeling she had been secretly missing ever since.

_**Why do you always do this to me?**_

"So…" Rory began. She knew normally she would have begun to ramble in situations like this, but she had changed in this aspect too. She wasn't that much of a rambler anymore. But somehow Logan made her feel like all those year had never passed and she was still the college girl that trusted everyone. That Rory back then had trusted Logan with her life and she had known him pretty well. She still trusted Logan, but she didn't know if she really knew him anymore.

"You look good. I see you haven't completely fallen off the face of the earth." Logan greeted her, not knowing what to say else. He cringed a little bit at how his last sentence had sounded, so much blame had been in it, bitterness. Things he wasn't even feeling anymore. There had been a time for this, but he had overcome it and went to just missing Rory Gilmore.

Rory blushed, knowing how his words were meant. "I'm sorry for never calling or something, but I just didn't know… if you wanted me to."

"I never wanted you out of my life. You were the one who made this decision." Logan reminded her sounding annoyed. It wasn't what he really felt or what he wanted to say, but somehow his mouth seemed to have a will of his own and the words just kept slipping away.

Rory was feeling terrible through, she knew had hurt Logan back then and she regretted it so damn much. She still couldn't believe that Logan hadn't seen through her mask and didn't know that the only reason she had turned him down was that she had been scared to hell. But then again, not even Lorelai had sensed it, although Lorelai had at least known something was off.

_**Why couldn't you just see it through me? **_

_**How come you act like this, like you just don't care at all? **_

_Why is he so cold? Great, now he doesn't even look at me anymore. Damn it, I never thought it would be this hard. Oh get a grip Lorelai__ Leigh Gilmore, what have you been expecting? That he would tell you he still loved you? That he hadn't been able to get over you all these years? Don't fool yourself, he got over you, and it's your fault. I could have said yes, should have._

"Look Logan, I'm truly sorry about how I handled things back then and how I just ran away. You know, I thought a clean break would be best. I know it wasn't. I made a mistake, a big one, but I can't change it now. All I can say is that I'm sorry."

"I know. I know. And if you could, you probably wouldn't, now would you?" Logan muttered under his breath. Rory watched him wide eyed, she didn't know how to deal with Logan. First he was all icy on her and now he sounded like he still felt for her and she was the one standing in the way.

"Logan, I-"

"Don't Ace, just don't." Logan cut her off sounding icy and resigned again. Rory just stared at him shocked. This so totally wasn't the Logan she knew. This guy sounded defeated and Logan never gave up on anything. Especially not on her. What was he thinking? That she would actually buy his whole "this-doesn't-affect-me-anymore" attitude? Was he thinking she forgot that he loved her and proposed once? He, the notorious playboy?

_**Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?**_

"I'm truly sorry. There's not a day that went by without me thinking how stupid I've been. At first, back then I was scared, I wasn't ready to face this" She motioned between him and her. "And when I finally was I felt like a coward for not calling or anything and I was afraid that you wouldn't want to see me ever again. All I can really say now is that I'm sorry. If that's not enough…" Rory threw up her hands weakly. If it wasn't enough, if he couldn't accept her apology there was no hope. "Then there's no point in this whole conversation I guess. Because I can't go back, no matter how much I wish to." Rory reached out instinctively for Logan but she refrained from actually touching him and pulled her arm back. She even was afraid to have already said too much. When he looked at her, looking so vulnerable Rory believed for a moment to see her old Logan again. The spark was there again.

_**I can feel, I can feel you near me  
**_

But as soon as the moment had come it was gone again and Logan looked distanced again. Bitter and hurt.

_**Even though you're far away  
**_

"Yeah of course. You even were too afraid" He stressed the word way too much and mocked her with a mean smile. "Too afraid to call me, to call your friends, even Paris. You didn't call Paris. Right, I know about that because I hoped that our friends could fucking tell me SOMETHING about you. Damn it, I was even worried in the beginning. Stupid me. Instead you're here, living your life, probably having a great career, you're obviously a part of the high society, judging by your looks. Hell, I never thought I'd meet you again at something like this." Logan ended disgusted. Rory flinched. She wasn't a fan of the high society either, but it had become a part of her life and an important one too. She could see where Logan was coming from through, she had been there once too.

_**I can feel, I can feel you baby  
**_

But she had changed her point of view, not everything about the society was bad and she had been born into this whole thing, she wasn't denying it anymore and as far as she knew Logan wasn't either. Yet here he was, judging her as a typical society girl, sounding disgusted. Disgusted with her?

_**Why?**_

_**It's not supposed to feel this way  
I need you, I need you more and more each day  
It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you, I need you, I need you**_

"It's not all bad. I used to think like you, but some of the women here are pretty decent and not everything is like back in Hartford with the DAR. They are more modern, though you wouldn't notice it tonight, I admit that. It wasn't like I just forgot about all of you either. I was just kind of ashamed I guess, and I expected you all to react like you do right now. Besides, everything wasn't easy on me either, it took me quite some time and sacrifices to get my "great career". Since I'm not at Hartford anymore I got no more privileges because of my last name anymore either. Hayden still means something, even here, but not that much. Not that I wanted any privileges, you know that I'm not that kind of a person. I heard quite a lot about you and your father though, in the aspect of gossiping it's not any different from the DAR. I'm so grateful that grandma made me being their secretary when I dropped out of Yale, it saved my life here several times." Rory stopped herself before she was babbling too much. "However, what I want to say is that I want to start over with you. I want to get to know you again and although I've heard lots of stuff about you, I'd love to hear everything from you. So what do you say?" Rory asked, hoping badly that he would agree. That they would be fine, friends again. Maybe she then wouldn't feel like she was missing a piece of her heart anymore.

_**Tell me, are you and me still together?  
Tell me, you think we can last forever?  
Tell me...Why?**_

Logan was just about to say something and Rory's attention was literally 100% concentrated on every word he was about to say when her cell ringed. Her ringtone was "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson, she had chosen this one once after she hadn't been able to get it out of her head after she heard it in the radio. Later she had just kept it since she liked the song and the lyrics. The text might be about a different thing than Rory's situation, but still she could somehow relate.

Rory apologized shortly and accepted the call immediately, turning her back at Logan.

"Gilmore-Hayden?" Rory asked in a somewhat annoyed tone, that wasn't really angry or nerved or something, it more sounded like the business tone some people talked to her assistants in. It reminded Logan of his father. Not a good thing.

"No, are you deaf or something? I told you exactly how I wanted it to be and which to take, damn it. No, I won't repeat it again. You'd better just learn to listen to me from now on. You know sometimes I think I'm surrounded with idiots. Call Ethan, maybe at least he has done his job." Rory ended the call without another word. She snorted with disdain, put her cell away and turned back to Logan.

"Sorry." She said sheepishly. "Just my stupid secretary, he didn't listen to me when I explained him something about the article for the day after tomorrow. Front page of "The Times" and this guy's capable of messing all up. Idiot."

"Wow, you never fail to surprise me." Logan said, obviously stunned.  
"Yeah, "The Times", I know it sounds big and it's pretty cool there too." Rory said grinning.

"I didn't mean your job, I always knew you'd make it to "The Times" sooner or later. What surprised me were you. Your behavior, your words, hell even your tone. What's wrong with you? You would have never been that harsh to anyone a few years ago. Not when someone just forgot something." Logan sounded shocked now, disbelieving. Rory's grin faded slowly when she understood what he was implying. She crossed her arms in front of her chest defensively. Who was he to criticize her and her job? He didn't know nothing about her and her job. That's what she told him too. Logan just laughed at her cynically.

"You're damn right, I don't know this Rory Gilmore-HAYDEN." He stressed the Hayden part overly, reminding Rory how she used to hate that name and that it must be surprising for Logan to see her using it on regular basis. "I used to know Rory Gilmore pretty well, but Rory Gilmore-Hayden? I don't think I even want to know her. By the way, since when are you listening to mainstream music? What's Lane saying about your ringtone?" Logan asked, nearly smiling when he thought of Rory's old friend.

"First, you don't know me, that's right, so stop judging me for god's sake. You should know that not everything's as it seems. But you know what I come to think? You already judged me the minute your eyes met mine. You don't want to know me again. You want to hate me. So go ahead. Get out what you need to say. Besides, it's my business what music I hear and Lane has no say in this matter. I haven't talked to her in about a year now. Anymore random questions?" Rory snapped back, not able to not fight back. It wasn't her nature to just back down or let someone tell her she was wrong. Not even from Logan. He didn't know her. He had no right saying all these things.

But inwardly Rory wanted to scream out when she thought about what they were talking. They were just fighting and it was nothing like it used to be. They didn't talk about anything important, like their feelings for each other.

_**Hey listen to what we're not saying  
Let's play a different game than what we're playing  
Try to look at me and really see my heart  
Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?**_

"God, let's stop this, ok? I don't want to fight with you now. I thought you wanted to talk, to sort things out, but you obviously don't. I won't stay in here and argue with you about the stupidest things, so give me a clear answer please. Is there a chance you can forgive me and we can be friends again?" Rory asked pleading before Logan could retort anything to her earlier comments.

_**I can feel, I can feel you near me  
Even when you're far away  
I can feel, I can feel you baby  
Why?**_

_**It's not supposed to feel this way  
I need you, I need you more and more each day  
It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you, I need you, I need you**_

"I don't know, Ace." Logan answered quietly after a few moments. "I just don't. I used to think there was, but now… I don't know."

Rory felt like something had squeezed her heart way too tight. This couldn't be true. It couldn't be the end of them. This wasn't supposed to happen this way. There wasn't supposed to be an ending at all. "So this was it? It's over?" Rory whispered, sounding beyond sad.

_**Tell me, are you and me still together?  
Tell me, you think we can last forever?  
Tell me...Why?**_

When Logan didn't answer Rory just nodded acknowledging and walked over to the door. She had to go anyways, Tom was awaiting her for sure. He wouldn't be pleased with her vanishing two times during one night.

_**So go and think about  
Whatever you need to think about  
Go on and dream about  
Whatever you need to dream about **_

"I guess that's it then. Maybe one day you'll be able to forgive me, I'd be glad if you let me know. Until then, have a nice life." Rory said without looking at Logan so that he wouldn't see the tears forming in her eyes. It hurt so damn much.

_**And come back to me  
When you know just how you feel  
You feel...**_

Outside in the big hall the dances had already started and it didn't take Rory long to spot Tom who was standing at the edge of the dance floor, not looking very happy at all. So Rory rushed over to him, being the perfect girlfriend. She was happy to play this part tonight though, everything was better than being the sad girl that just had lost a good friend and the former love of her life.

_**I can feel, I can feel you near me  
Even though you're far away  
I can feel, I can feel you baby  
Why?**_

Rory didn't allow herself to look out for Logan once, which really took all her will. But she wasn't Rory Gilmore anymore and she had learned to be Rory Gilmore-Hayden and Rory Gilmore-Hayden wasn't looking back ever. Still, she couldn't help but want to look back, to want to go back to Logan. To want to make everything alright again.

_**It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you, I need you more and more each day  
It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you, I need you, I need you  
Tell me...Why?**_

_**

* * *

**_Soo, what do you think? I wasn't sure at first if the song fits but I didn't found a better one. I hope you like the chap and don't worry, Logan won't really stay away for long. ;)


	3. Shot 3

Ok guys, here's the next update, but I gotta warn you, I doubt that the next updates are going to come this quickly; in 24-hour rhythem so to say. But I'll try to come up with the next chap soon. That is if I find the right song... ;)

To be true, I never thought you'd like this story since it's out of character. I'll try to make the people more like they are in the show, well except for some where I have a reason for the change, but since I can't find my precious GG-DVDS, I'm kinda lost. How can I write gilmore-ish when I have no DVDs to watch??????? :(

However, this chap is more about Rory's past, so to say a filler. It's just to bring you up-to-date about what had happened to Rory and why she's this un-RoryGilmore-ish girl. Just for the time matter, I just assumed that Rory graduated when she was 20 or 21 so there are 4 to 5 years that have passed since finale.

**Responses:**

**HallKids:** Thanks for reviewing ;) And yeah, I usually don't really like these ffs where they just move on and act like nothing ever happened.

**sweetbaby: **I know, you told me. :) Thanks for the review anyway... xD

**PhoebeTheQueenOfDragon: **THanks for reviewing again, I reallly hope you like this chapter although it's kind of a filler.

**apalusa-light: **Glad you liked it. This chapter will answer your questions, or at least some of it. There is still more drama and stuff but this chap explains how things started. And yeah, let's just say that the "real" Rory's deep burried inside the new one and that it will take quite a bit to get her back out. Like a little trip for example... ;) but just read the chap, then you'll know more...

**Slovesemmet:** Thanks for the review! This chap will tell you parts why Rory became who she is, and the next might be more about Logan, but I'm not sure about that yet.

Enjoy reading and don't forget to **review, please**!

Oh, and the song's "How I feel" by Alexz Johnson!

* * *

Shot No. 3

It had been three days since she had seen Logan Huntzberger. It had been three days since her big fight with Tom. Three days since she had talked to anyone except her assistant who had called for work.

Well, to be exact Rory had talked to someone. Today she had first talked to the cabdriver, asking him to bring her to the train station. Then she had talked to the guy who had been selling the tickets and finally, half an hour ago, she had been talking to the old woman who was currently snoring next to her.

Now she was sitting there, starring out the window while the train was moving fast, approaching the town she dreaded. Hartford.

Rory was on her way to yet another anniversary of her grandparents, and she wasn't looking forward to it at all. Lorelai was going to be there and that scared the shit out of Rory.

Rory shook her head to get rid of the images that showed up in her memory randomly, she didn't want to go back now once again. She didn't want to live through it all again. But she couldn't help it. She couldn't help but think of it all over again. Think about how she had graduated, gotten a proposal from her boyfriend and how everything had been going for her.

_**I know how this all must look **_

_**Like a picture ripped from a story book **_

_**I've got it easy **_

_**I've got it made**_

_Sometimes I wonder how everything ended up the way it did. I can't believe I haven't seen my mom in two years. Nearly two full years. _

After Rory had graduated college and left her home for the campaign for an online magazine, she hadn't been home for about three quarters of a year, since she had been traveling through the country, working freelance here and there. Yet she had always kept in touch with her mom and had missed her like crazy. She had enjoyed her year and the traveling, but still she had been missing something.

_**I've got a golden road laid out before me **_

_**And everyone how they adore me **_

Then when she had gotten back home she had worked at the Hartford Gazette for some time, just to live a little bit longer with her mother together. She had been happy back then, she had dated a few guys from Hartford and it had been like half a year of vacation compared to what happened afterwards.

_**Like a diamond **_

_**In the sun**_

Then she had had this crazy idea about going to New York one night, when she and Lorelai had one of their DVD-nights. Well technically Rory had just told her mother how much she wanted to live and work in New York, get a job at "The Times" and stuff. Back then she hadn't even really considered the option, since she had been happy with living in Stars Hollow and being close to her mom and her friends. But Lorelai had concluded differently and had bought a ticket to New York City secretly and handed it to Rory some night when she had gotten back from a weekend-trip to Paris who was living now in Washington working for a newspaper there as a big surprise.

The ticket had been for the next day already so Rory hadn't had the time to think much about it and since her mother had already rented her a room in New York and organized everything, Rory had just gotten into this train and had kissed her mother good-bye. And as soon as she had left the train in New York she had been beyond excited and determined to get everything she had dreamed of and to make her mother proud.

But in reality things hadn't worked out the way Rory had imagined they would. She had sent her texts and stuff to so many newspapers she had stopped counting, but none had been willing to take her, although all said that she really had talent and how sorry they were, and so on and so on. On top of that all people from Stars Hollow, including her mom, had been asking Rory constantly when they'd be able to read Rory's articles in the times. Rory had felt miserable after three month, her mother was still paying her rent and Rory felt like she had failed everyone she had loved. So one day she had cracked because of the pressure of finally having some good news to tell and had started lying. She had told her mother and everyone over the phone that she had gotten a job at a little newspaper that was only published in and around of New York. She had even asked her mother to stop sending her money, since she didn't need it anymore.

_**Did you just waste your breath **_

_**Asking me how I feel today **_

_**Or do you really want to know**_

The only problem had been that Rory still hadn't had a job and that she somehow needed to pay the rent now. So Rory started bartending in some night clubs and soon enough she started drinking heavily too. She felt all alone and left from the world, since she had been lying to her mother and had no friends in New York. These six to seven weeks were the times that Rory was trying to forget so hard, she had been drinking way too much, had slept randomly with guys without remembering in the next morning; she had even started doing some light drugs. It had been horrible but Rory hadn't known how to get out of it. She hadn't known how to deal with everything, she had always thought her life would be great and after she had graduated everything would fall into place for her somehow. She had been taught so by her mother and her grandparents and everybody had always told her she had talent and that she'd make it far. Yet, she had been in New York, without money, without a decent job. Without hope.

_**I'm completely unconnected **_

_**Constantly rejected **_

_**Like everything I've ever loved is coming down **_

_**I'm drowning in emotion **_

_**In the middle of the ocean **_

_**Never knowing when it's over and I'm going down**_

Some night after she had worked late, a guy had followed her, caught up with her and touched her inappropriately, trying to rape her. This had been the worst night ever for Rory. She still remembered in her nightmares how she felt so helpless, how she had cried and screamed and begged, but the drunken guy hadn't stopped touching her. Then when Rory had already given up hope and had went silent, just wishing to die right away, someone had helped her. Someone had seen what was happening and had punched the drunken ass right in the face. Rory had been traumatized, especially after there had been so many people just walking by, not caring that a girl was being raped. Her savior had taken her to his apartment and had helped her to get herself back together. It had been Tom.

_**That's how I feel**_

Rory had been a mess back then, she had nearly been an alcoholic plus she had started doing drugs on a kind of regular basis and after the attempted rape she had been emotionally wounded too. Without Tom she would have been a lost case, but he had helped her in that night, he had stopped her from blaming herself for everything that went wrong.

Rory and Tom had started hanging out and dating then, but neither of them knew the other's last name nor their story. They just knew that they liked each other and were drawn to the other and that had been enough for the moment. Tom had helped Rory getting a job at a little newspaper so that Rory could quit bartending and finally got money for writing. She had stopped drinking and taking drugs and stopped being depressed and self-destructive. The lies she had been telling her mother and all the others back home had come true finally and Rory was glad of it and very grateful for having Tom by her side.

_**I know I signed up for this game **_

_**And everybody knows my name **_

_**Now they own a little piece of me **_

Things had been better until Tom told Rory who he really was and had asked her out on a society event his dad had been hosting. At first Rory had been shocked and had avoided Tom after he had told her he was part of the high society, but Tom hadn't given up on her that easily and she had ended up telling him her story. That she hated society and everything.

Tom had told her he'd let her go, if Rory wanted to break up with him, but that he was in love with her and that he wanted her bad to be his girlfriend. He had also told her sincerely that the high society would always be a part of his life. Rory had found herself wanting to try it out for him; after all he had saved her. With the time Rory had learned to fit in for Tom and for their relationship and soon after that she had gotten her job at "The Times". From then on she had started working harder for her career, because she felt kind of guilty, knowing the only reason she had gotten the job was because of Tom being her boyfriend.

_**My happiness fell off the track **_

_**And I'd do anything to get it back **_

_**Give this all, I'd give it all all away**_

Lorelai had been making fun of the society though back then during her calls and when Rory had told her she was now a part of it because of Tom, Lorelai had tried to talk her out of it. Her mother had even told Rory that she, Rory, didn't need someone like Tom to get her a job at "The Times". That she had made it herself to a newspaper too. These words had hurt Rory deeply, since truth was that she hadn't accomplished a thing without Tom, only that she couldn't tell her mom that she had been lying all the time. Lorelai of course didn't know what she had done wrong and why Rory was closing of so much when she was only trying to help her daughter. So they had gotten into fights, into waay too many fights and then, at some point Rory had stopped calling and accepting Lorelai's calls. Since they were both Gilmore girls, very alike and very, very stubborn, none of the two had ever called the other one in the last one and a half year.

_**Did you just waste your breath **_

_**Asking me how I feel today **_

_**Is that a place you wanna go**_

They hadn't talked again until now. And now Rory was afraid of meeting her mother again. But she had no choice and she knew it. The only good thing she could see in the whole coming-back-to-Hartford-thing was, that she wouldn't see Lane or other old friends of hers again.

After Rory had broken ties with her hometown and past, she had concentrated on Tom and her work fully. But soon enough Rory had started missing someone to talk to, a friend and just people beside work and Tom.

Sure, thanks to Tom she had met many people, especially many rich people, but she just didn't know who to trust. She had been afraid to let someone in, since she had been kind of disappointed by her mother. Rory knew that it had been her fault that she had lied, but somehow she had always expected her mother to always be there, to always know what was going on, especially when everything seemed to break down.

_**I'm completely unconnected **_

_**Constantly rejected **_

_**Like everything I've ever loved is coming down **_

_**I'm drowning in emotion **_

_**In the middle of the ocean **_

_**Never knowing when it's over and I'm going down**_

Rory sighed audibly, not longer able to keep up the smile she had trained so well. Sometimes she didn't even know herself nowadays, but then again, she hadn't known herself for quite some time even before Tom.

_**Then you see me **_

_**You say you don't even know me **_

Rory's cell ringed. It was Amy, a friend of Rory's and part of New York's high society. If Rory had to chose a true friend out of the people in New York she knew, she'd probably pick Amy since she really liked her. Too bad they hadn't ever really talked, besides talking or rather gossiping about society.

"Hey!" Rory said in this overly cheering voice and got the answer in the same tone. She kind of hated it, it sounded way too fake girly. She hadn't even noticed until now that she was actually talking in the same manner as the other society ladys. Rory cringed inwardly at how fake she sounded and asked herself silently how long she had been acting this way already and if she had talked this way to Logan too.

_**Couldn't pick me out of a line now **_

_**The girl you know is so far-gone **_

_It doesn't really matter anyway, I won't see him again that soon and even if, there's no need to talk to him or something. It's not like I need to explain things to him. I know I'm still me and that I'm not one of these women. That's the only thing that counts. I know it._

_Logan wouldn't understand anyways that I'm doing this for Tom. Because he loves me, he saved me. I owe him and I love him too. Logan wouldn't ever get that._

_**And I'm in hiding **_

_**Living life undercover **_

_**Smiling face for the camera **_

_**I'm not lone for this world**_

Still Rory couldn't help but feel like she was incomplete when she left the Hartford train station. Now that she was back home, or at least nearly home, she felt more than ever before that she was missing something. She had known it all along, but in New York and with Tom by her side it had been easier to force these thoughts out of her head. But now, there was nothing to keep her mind busy.

_**I'm completely unconnected **_

_**Constantly rejected **_

So while Rory was giving her bags to a cab driver she felt a shiver running down her spine. She knew that something was about to happen. It scared her because she knew that it would change her life. Although she hadn't been exactly entirely happy in New York, she still wanted to just go back to her life there and move on.

_**Like everything I've ever loved is coming down **_

_**I'm drowning in emotion **_

_**In the middle of the ocean **_

_**Never knowing when it's over and I'm going down**_

Rory knew that it was a coward thing to wish for, but she couldn't help it. She had been at the bottom once, she had been near a complete break down once and this time there was no Tom to save her again. What if this time there'd be no one to save her? After all she had sucessfully shut out everybody in this whole town that she had ever known.

_**That's how I feel**_

When the door of Emily and Richard Gilmore's house was opened by a spanish maid Rory felt like i a déjà-vu, it felt weird that some things remained the same while everything else had changed so much.

"I'm Rory Gilmore-Hayden. I'm here for my grandparents. Richard and Emily." Rory told the maid when said one threw her a questioning look. The maid looked kind of scared and nodded, motioning for Rory to follow her. Weirdly Rory felt the urge to... chuckle. Something she hadn't done for quite some time since it was unladylike in most eyes. But this overly scared maid so totally looked like work of Emily Gilmore.

Rory strode into the living room, not ready for the persons who were awaing her there. She stopped in the door frame, looking stunned at who was staring at her.

_**Then you see me **_

_**Say you don't even know me**_

* * *

Ok, I know that in the end there were more lyrics than text, but oh well, there was enough text in the middle I think. :) Just so you know, I was planning on doing 6-7 shots all together, so we're about half way through the story I guess. I can promise you some drama for the next chapters. Plus, aren't you just curious about who's waiting in the living room for poor surprised Rory? Well, I sure am, since I haven't really decided yet, but I have some ideas. Still, I'd die to know who you are expecting!

So, please tell me what you think and review! ;)


	4. Shot 4

Ok, here's the next update. Thanks for all the reviews, they kept me going. Still this chapter isn't exactly great, but I can promise you a kick ass next one.

**Responses:**

**PhoebeTheQueenOfDragons:** I will ;) thanks for the review :)

**Festis 7:** thanks for the review. A good idea, I hadn't thought of it, only the classic ideas were in my mind: lorelai and logan. Although I settled for the not-so-classic combination.

**jessirose85:** thanks for the review. Well, Lorelai's there. I hope you like the chapter although it's kind of a filler.

**Vanessa 85:** Glad you liked it up to now, hope you'll like this chapter as well.

**sailor cyanide:** Yeah, it's sad, isn't it? But they will know... eventually. Hope you like this chapter and the way it's going. Logan will be in the next chapter... I think...

**Curley-Q:** Thanks for the review, hope you like this one... :)

**Krazy Karah:** not Logan, for him you'll have to wait for the next shot.

Thanks to all who reviewed! My day totally sucked up to now and I'm just home for two hours before I have to get back to school for latin class. Sucks. Plus I got my physics test back and I totally blew it. My parents will kill me. But hey, at least I'll get some reviews... hopefully. ;)

Enjoy Reading and Review!

* * *

Shot No 4

Rory silently took in all the people that were in the living room. It was a weird picture, half Stars Hollow was standing around her mother. In the living room of Emily and Richard Gilmore. Rory was kind of shocked since she had really hoped she wouldn't see Lane and everyone around here again that soon, after all she hadn't talked to THEM in way over two years.

Only after a few moments Rory noticed that the room had gone silent too as soon as she had entered it. Her mother must have been about to give some pep speech of hers, judging from her attitude and the whole way she was standing up there on the little table, where Rory and her used to place the drinks when they were visiting their parents. The notorious Friday night dinners. Rory nearly smiled when she thought how her mother had always tried to get out of them. It had been good times no matter what had happened since.

"Hello Rory, it's good to see you again. How is life in the big city? I hope you're not too high above the small town charms now?" Taylor broke the silence, totally oblivious to what was going on between mother and daughter. Yeah, right, Taylor Doose was in the living room of Rory's grandparents house. That thought was somehow creepy to Rory.

Rory was nervous when she now felt everyone's attention clearly focused on her, plus her mother was still staring at her disbelievingly. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and put on her infamous fake smile, that she had perfected during the years, trying to light up the atmosphere a bit.

"Hey guys. I'm glad to see you again too, Taylor. Life's been pretty good lately. New York's been nice to me." Rory cringed at her own cheerful voice, it sounded so fake even in her own ears. She hoped silently that no one in the room picked up on how entirely different she really felt, but she knew that that was highly unlikely with Lorelai being in the room.

"So, as I was saying, we got to be fast and good here. My parents can't know that you all were ever here. So I'd say let's get to work then!" Lorelai spoke loudly into the room, quitting the staring at her estranged daughter and addressing the people around her again, as if nothing had ever happened. As if Rory hadn't just entered the room. As if… there was no Rory.

For the first time in about a year Rory felt tears coming up, filling her eyes, threatening to fall down her cheeks ever moment. It hurt to hear Lorelai acting like Rory wasn't there. Still it wasn't really that surprising.

_What was I expecting? That she'd be all happy to see me, like nothing ever happened? Like we didn't not talk the last two years? Damn it, I'm really pathetic. I was the one who began lying, I was the one who stopped answering the phone and never called back. Yet here I was, hoping that my mother would at least acknowledge me. I just wish I had taken the later train here, but stupid me had to get out of the city ASAP, thinking that it would be better anywhere but there. Well, seems like I've been wrong, this is way worse._

After Lorelai had finished though all the people were rushing off in different directions, so Rory just assumed that they had already talked about what they had to do. It felt strange having Babette, Miss Patty, Kirk, Jackson, Sookie and even Taylor just running off without saying a word to her. But then again Rory wasn't caring that much about them as she cared about her mother. Lorelai was standing soon alone with Luke and Christopher in the room, still ignoring Rory while Luke and Christopher were glancing at Rory all the time. Rory felt awkward, like in a weird parallel world. It just seemed wrong.

_**Sometimes everything seems awkward and large  
Imagine a Wednesday evening in March  
Future and past at the same time  
**_

"Ehm, I don't mean to waste your time or something, but what is going on here?" Rory asked loud and clear, not addressing anyone special of the three persons in front her, but her eyes were fixed on her mother. Willing her to finally acknowledge her daughter and talk to her.

Luke and Christopher were exchanging some uncomfortable, knowing looks. They knew the situation between the two women better than the other inhabitants of the small town and they also knew how much both women were suffering with the walls that were built between them. The two men agreed without words on what to do next; they left the living room, leaving the two Gilmore Girls alone to figure out their issues.

Rory came over to the couch where Lorelai had sat down a few moments ago. She placed herself nervously at the edge of the other couch so that she was right in front of her mother, staring back at her. She reached for a bottle of liquid and mixed herself something tasty together, waiting for her mother to finally answer her simple question, since neither of them was the type of person to really go through with the whole "silent-treatment/punishment-thing". Normally Rory wouldn't have touched a glass, but this was an exception of normal. One night wouldn't make her an alcoholic again, now would it?

_**I make use of the night start drinking a lot  
Although not ideal for now it's all that I've got  
It's nice to know your name**_

Lorelai didn't seem to be interested in a conversation, instead she began after some moments to let her gaze wander in the room, looking everywhere and at everything but Rory. The latter sighed, knowing how stubborn her mother could be. Hell, she had gotten this character streak from her mother. Knowing that all too well Rory felt more uncomfortable being in the same room as her mother with every passing minute.

For a moment Rory wondered if everything would be alright again if she just apologized, but then she forced these thoughts out of her mind, since she knew that she wouldn't do it anyways. She had been through way too much to say that she was sorry.

_**You don't know, you don't know  
You don't know anything about me**_

_Maybe it's for the better if I just go upstairs or to the pool house, put my bags in my room and then I can go out until the whole thing really starts. There's no point in waiting here, things happened they way they did and I can't change it anymore.__ If mom wants to go through with this whole ignoring each other thing, then I won't spoil the fun. She doesn't know me anymore and maybe… maybe I don't know her anymore either. Because the Lorelai I know wouldn't be able to be silent for that long. Especially when she's mad._

_**You don't know, you don't know  
You don't know anything about me  
What do I know, I know your name  
**_

But just when Rory was about to stand up Lorelai was beginning to speak. Rory looked at her mother and saw surprised that she was looking back at her.

"Your grandparents are out somewhere in a town not that far away, looking for a new house. They are actually thinking of selling this one, I think. What other reason would they have to look for a new house, since this one won't be for me and Luke. Anyways, I convinced my mother that I could be responsible for the organization of that event tonight and after some working she finally agreed. Sadly enough the people I hired to help me out today, left me hanging, probably because I didn't talk to them in person. If they had seen me, all the males would be here today, wouldn't they? No one can resist the charms of a Gilmore Girl." Lorelai grinned like a child at her own joke. "However, I shorthand went to Luke and asked everyone I met on the way if they'd help me. The rest is history… go figure." Lorelai ended with a laugh that sounded somewhat tensed. Rory felt the awkward silence settling back down on them again and she wanted nothing more than being invisible right now. It felt so weird, so wrong.

_**An ocean, a lake I need a place to drown **_

Rory looked up again and met Lorelai's nervous glance. The older Gilmore Girl quickly looked away like a caught school girl staring at the boy she secretly admired. Both women blushed when they thought about how ridiculous they were behaving. They looked at each other again and smiled at each other, glad to know that they still knew what the other was thinking. But even that warm smile wasn't making the awkward feeling go away and both knew that. The women felt that their smiles were fading slowly. Both wished things were different.

_**Let's freeze the moment because we're going down  
**_

Suddenly Rory realized that her train was going in exactly 24 hours, since her cell had just vibrated in her purse, which was placed on her knees. She had intentionally set the alarm for this time, to give her hope if things would be bad when she arrived. Well, they were bad, but in an unexpected way. Who would have expected her mother and half of her hometown being in her grandparent's house? Who would have expected things to feel this weird? Yet, it was a scaring and saddening thought that in 24 she would leave her mother all over again, probably without having made their peace with each other.

_**Tomorrow you'll be gone, gone, gone  
**_

"Why's dad here?" Rory asked finally, remembering how she had been surprised when she had not only seen him there with Lorelai and Luke but how the two guys actually seemed to get along.

"Well that's kind of a long story to tell." Lorelai answered vague. Rory was stunned and hurt. Her mother was treating her like a stranger, her own mom didn't trust her anymore; there was no other explanation. Lorelai NEVER EVER said that something was a long story without explaining the whole thing in every detail. Usually she just talked whatever came to her mind, no matter how "long" the story was. And it totally wasn't like Lorelai to not answer such a question. Not when Rory was asking.

"Why don't you just start for the beginning? We got the whole afternoon to chit chat. What else are workers for than doing your work?" Rory asked lightly, trying to break the ice, to show her mother that she was still Rory and that she didn't want things to be this awkward. She overplayed her hurt and acted like her mother's behavior hadn't meant anything particular. But it had and Rory was despite her smile painfully aware of it.

For a moment Lorelai smiled, truly smiled at Rory the way she always used to. For a moment things felt right again, like it used to be in old times. Rory was just beginning to really grin, when her mother's smile suddenly faded again as quickly as it had appeared on her face. Now Lorelai was looking at her daughter somewhat distanced and unfocused.

"I don't think we have time. I have work to do and I got to organize this whole thing until tonight. So I better start now." Lorelai told Rory without looking at her, wearing a fake smile that hurt Rory even more than her words.

_**You're laughing too hard this all seems surreal  
I feel peculiar now what do you feel  
**_

Lorelai stood up quickly and left the living room before Rory had a chance to say something. Leaving her daughter behind, who was wondering what was happening to her. How did things get that messed up? It had seemed like nothing had changed for a few moments and then…

_**Do you think there's a chance that we can fall**_

Rory heard how Lorelai was talking to someone outside. It seemed like she was telling some joke or something, because after she had ended, loud laugher reached Rory's ears. Rory wondered if whoever, who was laughing out there with her mom, knew that Lorelai's laugher was fake. Rory heard that even through the walls.

_Would she know it too? Would she know it when I fake a laugh or a smile__? She would have known before I left, but now? Well, she didn't pick up on me not feeling as happy as I led on all these months. She didn't notice that something has changed and that there was a reason for me trying so hard to fit in for Tom. If she had noticed anything, she would have come, she would have visited me and I would have told her everything in the end. Everything would be fine now. But she didn't come, I didn't tell. Instead she stayed here and lived her life, while I build up my walls higher than ever before. No wonder she doesn't know me anymore. I have changed. I kind of had to._

_**You don't know, you don't know  
You don't know anything about me anymore**_

Rory stood up when she couldn't hear her mother anymore and decided to walk outside the house and get her things to the pool house. She didn't want to think about the past anymore, she used to be so good at moving on in the city, so it shouldn't be that hard to keep it up in a small town, even when her mother was in the house and they were on non-talking-basis. When Rory walked outside the door she saw the familiar jeep parking in the driveway, her mom's car which hadn't been there when she had arrived. Rory took in a deep breath and waited for a few moments, awaiting the person that was about to show up and readying herself for the awkward meetup.

But no one came. Rory figured that whoever had drove the car there must have left already.

"Tough luck. But why Fortuna, why couldn't you have the jeep parking there when I arrived? Maybe then everything wouldn't have been that awkward if I had known." Rory murmured sarcastically while she walked over to her car, a present from Tom: a fancy sport car. A red cliché convertible, so to say.

_Or maybe I wouldn't have entered the house in the first place. Not even I was ever that much of a dreamer to think everything would be just great._

_**I gave up dreaming for a while  
**_

Rory took her big violet back out of the trunk of her fancy car and locked the car again. When she entered the house once again with the girly bag in her hands she felt out of place, like she – and her bag- didn't belong here anymore. She had been a different person back then when she had been here the last time visiting her grandparents, she had believed that everything in her life was going to be perfect by now. That all she had to worry about was writing the next masterpiece of an article in time. There had been a time when she had pictured herself to be married to Logan right now. The guy who had told her that she was disappointing him, that was fake.

Well, if she had disappointed him he should better pull a number and get in the line. There were so many people she had "disappointed" and who were only waiting to tell her how fake she was. That was if they knew what kind of a life she was leading and why. Yet, if they really knew why… maybe they would understand.

Rory shook her head. It wasn't the time for these thoughts. She had been able to not think about this stuff for nearly two years, 24 hours wouldn't make her crack. Her story was neither a fairytale nor one of these cheesy tv-shows or books that always had a happy ending. This was her life. Her messed up, completely fake life.

_**I gave up dreaming for a while**_

"… poor Lorelai, she was completely devasted back then. Good thing she had Luke by her side. The two of them are the perfect couple, really." Rory heard Babette telling someone in the next room. She stopped walking and approached the door tentatively, not able to resist the urge to find out what Babette was talking about. Especially since this was about her mother.

_**I've noticed these are mysterious days  
I look at it and like a jigsaw puzzle and gaze  
**_

"You're right about that. Still I just don't get it. Rory was such an amzing kid, what happened that she abandoned her mother and us? Have you seen the look on her face? And the way she answered Taylor? Rory could never lead a good life without her mother in it. I just wish Lorelai would tell us more about it, but no, every time someone's mentioning Rory she shuts everybody out. It's a sad, sad story. Perfect for a musical though. I gotta say through that I'm glad that Chris is back in the picture. Chris, what a hell of a name. He's a god…" Miss Patty went on about how charming and good looking Christopher was and Rory stopped listening. She knew nothing important would come for some time now. She was way too occupied thinking about what Babette and Miss Patty had been discussing before. Her. They had talked about how she had changed – not for the better – and how it was her fault that her mother had been devastated.

_**With wide open mouth and burning eyes  
**_

At first Rory was hurt again, she didn't like having people she once loved talking about her like that. But then suddenly a complete new feeling set in. Anger. Who were they to judge her? To think they knew what was wrong and right.

_**If only I could start to care  
**_

Rory walked now faster, determined to not let anyone distract her on her way to the pool house, her save haven, since there would be no one in there decorating or stuff. The pool house wasn't part of the parties, except for the sub-parties of course.

Rory remembered how she had been on this one party in this very house and how her grandparents had only invited boys and no girls, although they had known that Rory and Dean had been together. How Logan had took her and some friends to form the sub-party and how the guys had cheered her up after Dean had ended things with her in front of everybody.

Other memories of the past popped up in her mind and Rory felt more than ever like she wasn't just an entirely different person nowadays, but that her life was leading nowhere. She didn't have any fun, instead she only knew work and high society, she was someone she never wanted to become. Basically, ever since she had left college and home everything was messed up.

_**My dreams and my Wednesdays ain't going nowhere  
**_

A few meters before she had reached the door of the pool house her cell ringed. Rory put the bags down in front of the door and fished in her purse for the cell. When she had finally found her little silver cell her face froze in a grimace. It was Tom calling her. Rory didn't accept the call, instead she just watched the picture that she had taken of Tom a few days after they had met. Everything had been beginning to get better back then, she had started to think that things would finally go the way they were supposed to be. But then Tom had told her who he really was and she had decided to fit in his life no matter what.

She had decided against her mother and for her boyfriend. But now neither seemed to even know her anymore. Tom might love her as he always claimed, but if he really did know her, he wouldn't force her to be part of the society, would he? He would know that she wasn't happy.

_**Baby, baby, baby you don't know**_

_**You don't know, you don't know  
**_

He wouldn't be calling her right now, trying to make up for the things he had said. Rory knew what he wanted to say. That he was sorry. That he didn't mean it. That he loved her. That he wanted things to be normal again. That he was asking her out to a fancy restaurant or party to make up for everything. As if that was the solution to everything.

_**You don't know anything about me  
**_

Finally the ringing stopped, signalizing that Tom had given up calling her – for now. Rory knew she would have to face him eventually, but she was just so tired of everything. Deep inside she knew that things between them weren't right, but every time she was near him or just hearing his voice everything she had been determined to say was forgotten immediately. Plus she always was afraid that he would break it off with her, when she told him she didn't want to be high-society. She really had no idea how he would react and that scared the shit out of her.

Rory went inside the pool house, putting down her things and looking around. Not much has changed. There were different curtains and new flowers on the little table, but that was it. Everything else was just the way she had left it after she had moved back to Yale. Rory went through the few rooms and felt more memories rushing back at her. The fight with her mom. Logan who had been visiting her here. How she had decorated everything. The DAR work she had done in the pool house.

Rory sat down in the big room again, staring at the door and everything around her, trying not to think at all.

Suddenly the door opened and the first thing that entered the pool house were a few boxes stapled one on one another. The person who carried them was well hidden by them. Rory chuckled and asked friendly while standing up.

"Do you need help by any chance?"

The boxes fell to the ground and Rory stopped chuckling. Lane was standing in front of her, looking shocked at seeing her old friend. Rory still remembered like it was yesterday what Lane had told her on the phone. How Rory had accidently told Lane to just shut up and how Lane had spoken out the truth harshly. She had told Rory that they had nothing in common anymore and that they were just fooling theirselves. That Rory had chosen Tom instead of Lorelai and everybody she once loved. That Rory had to deal with her choice.

They hadn't talked since Rory had hung up on her former best friend back then, she hadn't been willing to listen to Lane's critic, especially since at that time Lorelai had given her enough of that already.

When Rory now looked at her old friend she saw that Lane looked happy, she had this smile in her eyes and Rory was kind of jealous. She wanted that too, she had thought she'd look that way by now. But she didn't.

Yet she felt that she was tired of fighting and tired of getting hurt by the behavior of the people she grew up with. So she smiled tentatively at the woman who used to be her best friend. The Korean woman who still looked a little bit like the girl that was still exploring the world.

_**Wh**__**at do I know, I know your name **_

_**You don't know, you don't know  
You don't know anything about me**_

But Lane didn't return the smile, instead she just looked Rory up and down once and Rory felt like she was being judged once again. She didn't remember being judged that often in less than an hour. Except maybe for all the society events she had attended, but then she hadn't known the people and she frankly hadn't cared about them.

Lane didn't say anything or gave a feeling away. Suddenly she just turned around and left the pool house. The only thing proving that she had been here and had seen Rory were the boxes on the ground. Rory sighed to herself, sitting down once again.

_**Baby, baby, baby, You don't know,  
You don't know, you don't know,  
you don't know anything about me anymore**_

_**

* * *

**_So that was it for now. Let's just say for the next chapter: THere's gonna be Logan and Lorelai. Maybe someone other too. Rory will get very confused and she'll have to make a decision. Maybe she even ends up bolting early.

Please review.

xoxo Kathy


	5. Shot 5

I'll be honest with you: not my best work. Not very great either. Sorry if you expected more. But it was hard enough finding the right SONG and maybe it's not the best choice, but oh well... The song I chose is "Words" by Gosia Andrzejewicz.

I have some stuff going on right now and I can't say that I'm writing much lately. It sucks but my inspriation seems gone and when I'm starting something, I don't like it after the first few sentences and give up.

However, hope you like it or at least bear with me^^

Enjoy and review...

**Responses:**

**PhoebeTheQueenOfDragons:** thanks for the review

sharon: yeah, here in germany it's pretty popular, I actually don't listen that often to the charts, but in the car or somewhere I listen to the radio and I always concentrate on the lyrics I get to hear and when I heard that chorus I knew: that's the song I was searching for. plus I couldn't get it out of my head for days^^

**sweetbaby101:** I already thanked you. so here goes the second time, dear bff, thanks very much for reading through my chapters before I put them up and for keeping on telling me that they aren't crappy^^

**Q:** Glad you liked it :)

**HallKids:** don't know if this is "soon", but I hope you like the next chapter anyway ;)

**Vaness85:** Logan's major in this chapter. I think you'll like a particular scene at the end of this chap ;) About the Chris thing, maybe I'll explain it in the last chapter, which most likely will be the 7th.

**Curley-Q:** Yeah, it wasn't exactly a warm welcoming, was it? This chapter won't be that friendly to Rory either I think. But she will talk to Logan AND to her mom. Although one conversation ends better than the other.

Thanks for all the reviews, they keep me going :)

* * *

Shot No 5

Rory was standing near the driveway, pulling her jacket tighter to her body. She shivered because of the cold and rainy autumn weather. She really hated this time of the year, where was the point in all the raining and this stupid, irritating wind?

When Rory saw two lights that had to belong to a car appearing at the end of the street, she quickly made a few steps back, hiding in the dark shadows of the bushes and little trees. Only when the car had passed her by, she dared to come out, still holding her little glass filled with vodka. What seemed to be her life elixir this day.

The young Gilmore-Hayden woman knew just too well how ridiculous her behavior was, but she frankly gave a damn about it. Here she was, standing in the cold garden, shivering and hiding from her family and all the other people that attended the party to one of her grand-parent's numerous wedding anniversaries.

Once again she wondered what devil had taken control over her, to make her think that coming back wasn't such a bad idea. It was hell. Even worse. Rory had spend the whole evening avoiding her mother and Logan, who how she had found out was invited together with his whole family, and everybody else she had once known. It was kind of sad, that the only two persons she wasn't avoiding were her grandparents. Emily had told Rory how proud she was that Rory was now working at "The Times" and that she was really happy about Rory being a part of the high society. Apparently the news had traveled far enough to reach Emily Gilmore's ear and soon Rory was sick of answering all the questions Emily had about who Rory was friends with.

Although Emily was really risking Rory's sanity, she still was the better conversation partner than her husband. Richard had congratulated Rory to her excellent job and had ignored her afterwards, his attention had been totally taken by a business partner of his.

So Rory had been walking through the crowded rooms of the big house and had felt more awkward and out of place with every passing minute. Every time she had passed Logan or Lorelai she had even blushed very un-ladylike and had quickly walked by the two people who had once meant everything to her and were now successfully avoiding her. Rory felt in the house of her grandparents like a total stranger, plus she hated all the memories that were coming up again. It seemed like the Rory Gilmore who had left Stars Hollow four years ago was a complete stranger to Rory Gilmore-Hayden.

Yet Rory felt like this old Rory was coming out more again now that she was back home. She wasn't sure how she should feel about that. It wasn't hard anymore to admit to herself that she didn't like her new self, but at the same time she was terrified that she could go through tough times again, if she turned back into the old naïve Rory.

The one thing that made her actually leave the house then, was a little chat with Mitchum Huntzberger himself. He had approached her with some friend of his. First he had greeted Rory friendly and she had been kind of confused, not knowing what he was up to. But then Mitchum had introduced her to the other guy he had brought with, the owner of a newspaper in New York, which was the second or third most read paper in the Big Apple.

Mitchum had told his friend that Rory, who -what he stressed- was working for "The Times", had been keeping him up to date about the situations in New York and that she had always been full of praise for the guy's newspaper.

Rory hadn't believed the guts Mitchum had and had been speechless when he had been coming over. But then, when he once again tried to not only bend the past for his purposes, but also lied flat out (as if Rory and Mitchum would ever have any contact in any shape or form), Rory had been beyond pissed within a minute.

She had told Mitchum to finally shut up (yeah, "shut up", she really used these words) and to leave her alone. Then she had addressed the guy and had warned him about what a backstabbing liar Mitchum was, and that for a fact she had never ever called or even spoken to him for about 5 years.

With that spoken out loud and the sweetest smile she had been able to offer, Rory had walked away from the two men, going straight for the garden.

The cold, nearly freezing, air had been good for Rory, especially after the whole stupid night. She had been able to get her head straight and had reminded herself that it was only a few more hours before she would be back in the city, back in her so seemingly perfect life.

_Ok, so even I admit that my life is sure as hell not perfect and it's not what I had always dreamed or hoped for, but, hey, it's my life and I'm thankful for what I've got. It certainly could have played out worse and it nearly did. _

Rory contemplated on going back into the house, back to the party. She knew that she had to go back at some point and she knew that this point would come soon anyway since it was really, really cold. But somehow she couldn't bring herself to start walking, she wasn't able to be reasonable this time.

"Rory?" A voice called through the dark.

_**Much sweeter than the songbirds call**_

Rory turned around and saw Logan appearing in the dark, approaching her slowly, reluctantly. Thousand questions filled Rory's mind, wondering what he was doing out here, if he was searching for her, if he wanted to apologize, if he wanted to be friends again…

"Logan." Rory answered softly, not able to sound as confident as she wanted to. As if destiny wanted to warn Rory, it began raining just in that moment. Or, to be exact, Rory felt the first rain drops falling on her face. Was it a sign?

_**The desert's rain doesn't have the warmth **_

_**Of all the words that you used for loving me, baby**_

"What are you doing out here?" Logan asked, his tone not giving away his feelings. Rory tried to read his face, but it was too dark to see more than his figure and the white in his eyes.

She didn't really know how to answer this question, it was kind of obvious why she was out here, yet she could hardly say it out loud. That she was hiding from her mom and from Logan. Hiding from her past. She was sure that Logan knew that just too well and she didn't see the point in asking her such a stupid question. So, instead of answering, she just remained silent, looking wordless at the man in front of her.

"It's cold out here. Plus I'm afraid it'll start pouring soon enough too." Logan continued when Rory didn't answer. When she still made no attempt to say anything at all, he sighed and took off his jacket. "Here, take my jacket, you must be freezing."

_**Embraced by them**__** I built my dreams**_

_**They kept me safe, far away from tears**_

Rory took the jacket silently and wrapped it around hers. She immediately felt the warmth and somehow she felt better instantly. It wasn't just because of the warmth. The jacket smelled like Logan to her, it seemed like he still used the same aftershave.

A smile crept on Rory's face when she remembered once again the good times she and Logan had, how sweet and caring he had always been. This "him giving her his jacket"-thing was so totally like him. There had been a time when all these little things he did, had made her fall in love with him all over again every day.

He had always made her feel good about herself, gave her the impression of being special. When his father had told her, she wasn't a good journalist and all her dreams had seemed to be shattered, he had been the one to talk her back into going back to Yale and back to believing in herself.

_**But then your words melted in my memory, yeah, yeah**_

Sometimes Rory had wondered through the last years what would have been if Logan had been in New York with her, if then maybe things would be as perfect as Rory pretended them to be now.

"Are you going to say something any time soon? If you want me to leave just say it. Or do you enjoy letting me lead a monologue like an idiot?" Logan asked with a somewhat amused, yet irritated, voice. Rory had to fight a smile, knowing that, since the party lights were behind Logan, he was able to see her face.

"That depends." Rory answered after a few more moments. Rory didn't know what Logan was up to, or why he was even talking to her, but it didn't seem like to argue or blame her like he did a few days ago. So Rory decided to not run away on first sight. This night couldn't get that much worse after all.

Or so she thought.

"Just in the mood to talk tonight, aren't you?" Logan asked and Rory would have taken any bet that he was grinning right now. "So, Rory, on what is it depending?"

"What are you up to?" Rory asked flat out. The day had been exhausting her enough already, she wasn't in the mood for any games. "Are you just trying to tell me once again how disappointed you are and how much you don't like the person I've become?"

"No, not exactly. In fact our last conversation got me thinking and maybe you're right. I really don't know you, I judged you from what I've known from the past and I guess that wasn't all that fair." Logan said somewhat lightly, as if it wasn't a big deal or something, while for Rory his words meant a lot. She just didn't know yet if it was positive or not. "It just that there's been a time I hated you and times I missed you. I guess I just thought you hadn't changed, I hadn't expected you to be a complete different person. It took me by surprise and I'm afraid it got the better of me. I guess the old feelings just came up again and I'm sorry for what I said. I have no right to judge you."

"I'm glad you see it this way now. Things weren't easy when I came to New York and I had to change in order to make it through. But the Rory you knew is still in there and it's still me. Your words hurt me." Rory admitted, speaking before she had thought about it. But she was just so glad that Logan was apologizing and that maybe they could part as friends. She really had missed Logan as her friend.

_**I remember my reflection**_

_**In your eyes a clear perfection**_

"I'm sorry about that. It wasn't my place to criticize you. I haven't seen or talked to you in five years, I mean, we're not even friends anymore." Logan said in a matter-of-fact-voice.

Rory was confused by his tone and his words. What was he trying to tell her now? He had just told her that he had been wrong and she had thought that everything was good between them again. Why now the talking about them not "even being friends"?

"Your life isn't any of my business and I just wanted to tell you that I realized that now. We both moved on from college and everything and it's probably better, if we just leave the past alone." Logan finished and Rory had to fight tears. This wasn't what she had expected him to say. She didn't want to leave the past alone, she didn't want to just forget what she counted to the best times of her life. She didn't know why it hurt her so much, but it did. She didn't want to forget Logan, nor be forgotten by him.

_**How can I forget you?**_

_**When you've been the one that I could turn to**_

"Right. You're probably right." Rory agreed emotionless. She didn't want to agree with him, she wanted to tell him how wrong he was this time and that she couldn't just move on and forget him. But then she would have some explaining to do and since she didn't know how to explain her wishes and her behavior to herself, she just agreed with him. After all it was what he wanted, right?

"I'm glad we talked about that. Then no more awkwardness between us, alright?" Logan asked, obviously glad to have gotten everything he wanted to say out.

"Sure. No more awkwardness." Rory repeated, still not able to show any emotion. She wasn't even feeling anything. It was somehow really weird. She knew that she was sad and angry and a whole lot other, but she didn't feel it.

_This must be the calm before the storm, or however it's __called. This is exactly what it feels like; I just hope it lasts until I'm in my apartment again. The last thing I need is for Logan to know that I still care._

"Wanna go inside again?"

"No. I think I'll stay out here a little bit longer." Rory told Logan quickly, acting as if it wasn't freezing, as if it wasn't raining. She even motioned to take of Logan's jacket, although everything in her screamed at her to not give away the jacket.

"What are you doing?" Logan asked as if she was out of her mind.

"Taking of your jacket, duh. You're going inside and I'm staying here." Rory explained slowly, so that he would understand every word. Finally she at least showed some emotion, even if it was just mocking.

"Rory, you don't honestly expect me to just leave you outside here in the rain, without a jacket?"Logan questioned and Rory could nearly see his eyebrows raising and the teasing smirk that was sure as hell plastered on his face.

_Why can't he just leave me alone already? He just said that it was better if we weren't friends, so what's this supposed to be? I don't wanna play any games anymore. I wish he would want to be friends again too, but he isn't, so he's only making things harder for me if he acts all that gentleman-like._

_**If I could I'd change this ending**_

_**Cause I'm tired of pretending**_

_**I want back our story**_

_**Let me hear your voice that whispers just to me**_

"I don't know what to expect from you, like you just said, we're not friends anymore. So, based on your own words, why do you care what I do?" Rory retorted, sounding annoyed. But if these words would make him leave her alone already, she wasn't feeling bad about faking her feelings. She just wanted him to walk away, maybe this clean break was what she really needed.

Before Logan could answer that question, Rory was suddenly tired of talking and wasn't willing to wait for his answer. If he just wanted to be friends, then she's be fine with it. She wouldn't force him to be friends with her, and she sure as hell wouldn't admit weakness to him. She didn't need him.

"You know what, Logan? Just forget it. I'm going back inside now, so take your stupid jacket. I gotta make a call anyway. It was nice talking to you." With that Rory turned around and left Logan standing there with the jacket in his hands. Probably wondering what had just happened.

Back in the house Rory wandered around aimless, trying to avoid Logan and Lorelai. She really wasn't in the mood for another conversation with either of them. Especially after she had acted so stupid and obvious in front of Logan. If he didn't know by now that she still cared and that he affected her, then he was really dumb. Something Rory knew he wasn't.

When Rory just left the kitchen she suddenly found herself only a few steps away from Logan, who was talking to some older guy. But before Rory could make a subtle retreat, his eyes had spotted her and he wasn't listening to the other guy anymore. It was pretty much like the first time their eyes had met in New York, Rory felt the spark being there again.

_**It's been years and I'm alone**_

_**But destiny cannot be undone**_

Only this time she knew it wasn't there. Because Logan wasn't feeling that way, he had told her that he didn't care anymore. This time she wasn't unable to move or to look away. She gave Logan a weak smile, noticing his knowing look just too well. Then she turned around and walked straight back into the kitchen.

There she nearly ran into her father.

"Rory! What's up with the hurry?" Christopher asked with a laugh on his face. "I was actually searching you, there's a call for you. Some guy asking for you."

"For me?" Rory asked confused. Who would be calling her grandparent's house to talk to her? "Oh, ok, I'll get it. Thanks."

Then she walked by Christopher without even giving him so much as another glance and reached for the phone. She was ignoring him very intentionally of course, she was upset that he was obviously taking Lorelai's side and that he had ignored her the whole day, just like her mother.

Rory took the phone and held it to her ear. "Hello?" She asked in the phone, wondering who the hell was calling her. She even found herself wishing for a second that it was Logan calling her.

_Oh, get a grip girl. Logan's in the next room, he won't call you. Besides, he wouldn't call you anyway, no matter where he was. Cause he thinks that it's better if we don't be friends. If we mind our own business. _

"Hey darling. How are you? I thought I'd give you a call after you practically dropped from the face of the earth."

_**It's hard to greet each and every morning, hey, hey!**_

"Tom. How did you know where to call?" Rory asked hesitantly. She didn't bother to ask how he got the number, for someone like Tom it was no problem to get a number of a family that was a part of the society anywhere in the country.

"I called at your work, you know, your boss is a close friend of my family. However, he told me you had taken a few days of for some anniversary of your grandparents. When I called at the Hayden's house the maid told me that they were on holidays or something. So I figured you were at your other grandparent's house." Tom explained, sounding somewhat proud of himself. Rory didn't really understand what he was proud of, but she sure as hell wasn't happy to hear his voice.

"So you're my stalker number one now, or what?" Rory asked annoyed. She somehow was sure that Logan wouldn't have called her this soon after a fight. He would have known she needed time.

_Damn it, I gotta stop thinking about Logan non-stop. Just because I'm saw him twice in five days doesn't justify that I can't get him out of my mind. Tom's not Logan and he'll never be. __But I changed and I'm with Tom now, not with Logan._

_**Yet hopefully some things remain**_

_**The thought of you never fades away**_

_**And all the words that you used to love me baby**_

_So Tom didn't give me the space I needed, but I'm sure he has a good reason to call. Maybe something happened._

"Is everything alright? Did something happen?" Rory asked suddenly worried.

"No, of course not. But why are you so upset? I'm your boyfriend and all I wanted to do was talk to you. I wanted to apologize because of our fight the other night. I wanted to let you know that we're still alright."

"Why I'm upset? Well that's easy, because I didn't told you where I was going for a reason. Damn it Tom, we had a fight and I wanted some time on my own to sort some stuff out. I'm your girlfriend, not your property and I'd appreciate it if you'd give me some privacy." Rory took a deep breath. "Besides, YOU wanted to let me know that WE're alright? Thanks so much. I just couldn't stop thinking about it, I'm grateful you decided for me how we are, because that would just really be way too much for me to do all by myself."

"Rory, I…" Tom began, sounding pretty caught off guard.

"No Tom, no "I". I don't wanna hear it. If you excuse me now, I got a conversation to get back to. Maybe I'll give you a call when I'm back in the city. But you better don't." With that she ended the call, staring at her phone incredulously and angry. She couldn't believe the nerve Tom had, nor what she had just done. She had never talked that way to Tom and she never would have thought she'd ever do it.

_**I remember my reflection**_

_**In your eyes a clear perfection**_

_**How can I forget you?**_

_**When you've been the one that I could turn to**_

She was actually pretty sure, that if she had been back in New York and he had visited her with the same attitude, she would probably have just made up with him. Somehow this trip to her grandparents was really messing her life up, more than she had thought. She was suddenly tired of the pretending, of the act of fitting in she had done every day in New York. If not before, then now, Rory knew, that when she went back to the city, things had to change.

_**If I could I'd change this ending**_

_**Cause I'm tired of pretending**_

"So that wasn't going so well?" Logan's voice from behind made Rory flinch. She hadn't heard anyone coming in the kitchen and that it was Logan of all people didn't help the shock. Especially since he had clearly overheard her conversation or parts of it.

"No, it didn't actually." She admitted softly, biting back a sarcastic laugh. "Any more stupid questions? Wanna ask who I was talking to?" Rory added, knowing just too well that Logan had heard enough to know who she had been talking to. Like he had known without her verifying it, that the conversation hasn't gone well at all.

"I'm sorry Ace, I didn't mean to overhear your conversation. I just wanted to talk to you and didn't realize you were on the phone."Logan offered weakly, knowing that his words didn't made it better for Rory. He was slowly approaching Rory, who had still turned her back on him. He intentionally made some soft noises, not wanting to scare Rory again.

"Now I'm Ace again. Nice change in attitude, what's behind it?" Rory asked randomly, remembering that Logan hadn't called her "Ace" earlier when they had talked. Something he would have done years ago. In fact he had only called her Ace once or twice in their conversation a few days ago, and then it always had been when Rory had tried to apologize. Rory found it a little bit weird that suddenly now he was calling her Ace again.

"There's no change in attitude-" Logan began, but Rory cut him off. She turned around to face him and their eyes immediately locked. Something she regretted later.

"That's crap and you know it. I know what's up, but since you won't admit it, I'll answer my own question. I snapped at you out there and that makes you think that you've hurt me with your whole "no-friends" talk. And now you're here, trying to find out what's wrong with me and probably you want to apologize too." Rory spoke fast but clear, she didn't exactly know where she was heading yet, but she didn't want to hear Logan's stupid excuses either. She wished more than ever that she had just walked away before, not letting Logan know that she still cared. Which she did. In some crazy way she still cared.

_**I want back our story**_

_**Let me hear your voice that whispers just to me**_

But he couldn't know that. Because he had made it clear that he didn't feel the same way. Rory had felt enough foolish when she hadn't known for sure how he felt. Now she knew and she felt even more idiotic.

"Did I?" Logan asked quietly, holding up the eye contact with her. The thought of asking him what he meant with that question, crossed Rory's mind, but she felt ridiculous speaking it out loud. She knew exactly what he was asking. About if he had hurt her.

"That's none of your business. No matter how I feel, you made your feelings clear and I respect that. But if you really want to know that bad; I had hoped we could be friends again. I missed you in my life as a friend." Rory finally admitted, knowing that, if she denied everything, he would think that she still loved him or something, and if she lied, he'd probably know.

"Rory, I missed you too. And believe me, I want to be friends again really bad."

"But?" Rory asked when Logan paused, knowing there would be a "but". Somehow she knew that his next words would mess her life up completely, yet she couldn't help but being willing to die to hear them.

"But I don't know if I could make it work, being just friends with you." Logan trailed off, leaving the most important thing unspoken, but it had been enough to imply it.

He still felt for her. More than friendly feelings. He felt the same way she did.

"You…?" Rory whispered, not able to finish the question. Not believing what she had just heard.

Logan nodded sheepishly. "Always. Never stopped." He added.

_**Forever…**_

Rory closed the small gap left between their faces and their lips touched. Soon the soft kiss turned into a more passionate one, showing the craving, the desire that had been hold back for years.

And it felt so damn right.

_**If I could I'd change this ending**_

_**Cause I'm tired of pretending**_

_**I want back our story**_

_**Let me hear your voice that whispers just to me**_

When the two broke apart in the need of air, Rory spotted Lorelai, her mother, standing in the opposite door frame, staring at her daughter and Logan. The look on her face was one of shock and surprise… and blame?

It took Rory a moment to figure out what had upset her mother. Here she was, cheating on her boyfriend to whom she had just spoken. Judging from Lorelai's look, her mother knew just too well with who she had just gotten off the phone and that there had been an argument.

Rory opened her mouth to say something, but no sound was coming out. Lorelai turned around and left the door frame, walking away from the kitchen and her daughter.

_**If I could I'd change this ending**_

"Ace, I-" Logan began, but Rory motioned for him to stop talking.

"This was a mistake. I got a boyfriend. I got a life in New York. You were right, we're better off not being friends. I understand now and I'm sorry for being so stupid a minute ago." Rory quickly stuttered and left the kitchen in a fleeing manner. The whole scene had much of an escape when she entered the living room, looking slightly panicking.

To add another stress factor to the list, which was long enough already, she even met her mother's eyes.

_**Cause I'm tired of pretending**_

Later Rory didn't know what had taken control over her in that moment, but she walked up to her mother and spoke loud and clearly.

"I'm sorry mom. Sorry for lying. Sorry for not making the choices you wanted me to make. Sorry for existing. Sorry for failing you. But you know what I'm not sorry for? For not calling you back. I was feeling crappy back then and all you ever did was criticizing. You didn't know what was happening, but if you were a good mother, you should have known something wasn't ok ever since I went to New York. But you didn't. And as much as you might be disappointed now, I was way more disappointed back then. I'd love to go back in time…

_**I want back our story**_

"… but I can't. And you have no right to judge me for what you just saw. Because you don't know anything. Plus, weren't you the one who always tried to convince me that I was better off without Tom? So stop looking at me this judging way."

With that Rory left the house, heading for her car. She knew that she had been harsh and maybe a little bit unfair, but she had enough to worry about without her mother judging her. When she climbed into the car and started the engine she looked back to the house one last time.

Logan was standing in the door, looking over at her. Having a sad smile on his face. Rory wanted nothing more but get out and back to him, continuing what they had begun.

_**Let me hear your voice that whispers just to me**_

But she knew she couldn't. It wasn't fair to him or Tom. She needed to get back to New York. She needed to figure her life out and she needed to decide who she wanted to be with. That was something she needed to do in person.

_**Just to me**_


	6. Author's Note Please Read

Hey everyone...

I know, I suck, I haven't updated in far too long, although I had Shot No 6 finished for about 2 months now... But don't kill me just yet, please, I'm just so totally not-ok with the chapter. I mean it happens that I don't like my work because I have a feeling like I could better, but this...

Well, so I did what I always do when I'm stuck, I change my focus and write for my other stories^^ However, now it's CHristmas soon and I thought I should really update before that. So, here'S the thing, I'll post today only some teasers, and maybe you could review me and give me your thoughts and maybe I'll then find whats missing. If I don't, then I'll just update somwhen during the next week.

Another problem is the song choice. I have written this chapter now to 3 (!) different songs, the story's nearly the same only to other lyrics, but somehow... not right yet.... grr, I hate it... :D

* * *

**~TeAsErS~**

...like the perfect couple. Only that they weren't and never had been. It had seemed like it once to Rory. But it seemed like that had been nothing but a lie; a beautiful mistake...

..._No way back. Just start talking, tell him calmly and well-over-thought that things just aren't working out. He'll understand. He won't fight you or anything. The world will keep on spinning and moving just the way she's doing it right now... _

_..._whatever had really happened, she hated ... for doing that to her and she hated herself for letting him do that to her. But what she hated most, was that stupid phone that kept on ringing...

..."Rory, finally! I called you about fifty times at your apartment, but you weren't picking up!"..."...ever thought of the possibility that I don't want to talk to you right now?"...

..._What is it with everyone today that they all wanna force me to go out to dinner with them so badly? Am I the only one in this god damn city that doesn't wanna go to dinner tonight???..._

..."It's Miss Gilmore, please, no Hayden, alright? Thanks, ehm, Susanna."...

...Rory woke up at 1:30 a.m. in the middle of the night, due to some banging noises from her apartment door. Although, while Rory was unwillingly getting up, the sounds rather reminded her of someone actually KICKING against her door...

..."You wouldn't do that." Rory said disbelievingly...

...But then the realistic side in her took over, and she knew, that if she broke up with Tom, she'd sooner or later lose her job at "The Times". All the hours she had worked her ass off would have been in vain...

* * *

So, I guess the big question is, what is Rory going to do about the whole Tom-Logan-thing.

Well, just tell me what you think... :)

And once again thanks for all these reviews I have gotten so far!

xoxo Kathy


	7. Shot 6

_**If anyone of you would be so nice, I'm searching for a beta, you know, to get rid of those stupid mistakes! So if anyone is interested; please PM me!!!!!!!! PLEASE :)**_

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Ok, so here's the promised update. Thanks to all who stuck with this story and especially to those three who reviewed my A/N and encouraged me to keep on.

I'm stilly VERY unhappy with this chapter. So... well... don't hate me or the story if it sucks as bad as I think it does.

About the songs... **I took away the lyrics of the song except for the beginning**, since I have changed the chapter for so mayn different songs and none seemed to really... fit. However, I'd recommend you **listen to the following two songs and read through the lyrics (if you don't already know them) and THEN read the chapter**, maybe you'll be able to see where the lyrics had been^^

_**Already Gone - by Kelly Clarkson**_

_**Listen - by Beyoncé**_

...there were more songs, but those were the most fitting in the end^^

Read and Review...

_**Responses:**_

**sailor cyanide**: Thanks, it means a lot to know you're liking this fic :) Hope I'm not dissapointing you or anyone...

**fox24**: Well, Rory has snapped out of her bubble now and knows she can't go on like she used to. This chapter is not so much about Logan, rather about Rory finally realizing what she has to do. Thanks for the review :)

**TiaRat**: Thanks for the review and the message. I appreciate your thoughts :) I guess you'll then like this chapter, because I took the lyrics out of it anyways, since I found none that fitted. However, I'll see about making bigger chunks next chapter, but I usually try to make the lines fit the text, so that it kind of feels like you're hearing the song while reading. I, personally like that better. Anyways, thanks for reading the story and for taking your time to review AND P.M. me :)

Here goes nothing...

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Shot No 6

Rory was leaving her apartment at 8 a.m. in the morning. She was tired and had a feeling like even the tons of make-up weren't enough to cover up the dark circles under her eyes. She had returned from Hartford only a few hours ago, after she had taken the first train to the city. Only nine hours ago she had kissed Logan in the kitchen of her grandparent's house.

Now she was heading for the house of her boyfriend, she was heading for Tom's flat in Manhattan. She didn't know the words she wanted to say, yet she knew she had to go. The sooner they had talked, the sooner she'd be able to sleep again.

The drive with a cab through the awakening city was like a daze and Rory couldn't remember much of it afterwards. She just hoped that he would be home, that she wouldn't have to come back later or something. She had already tried to call his cell, but it was turned off, which either meant that he was at home or that his battery was empty.

But when the cab driver stopped right in front of Tom's apartment, Rory was suddenly scared. What was she supposed to say to him? After all he still had helped her back then when she had had nobody else. And here she was, planning on breaking up with him, having kissed another guy only hours ago. Rory climbed out the cab and paid the bill, but instead of going into the building and up to Tom's flat she walked in the opposite direction.

A few minutes later she entered the Central Park, the place she and Tom had had their first dates. Rory remembered everything like it was yesterday, sometimes they would walk around the whole time and sometimes they just sat down on a bench or at a lake. Then they talked, they talked the whole time and there had never been any uncomfortable pauses or this embarrassing silence, when both don't know what to say. It had been, especially in the beginning, mainly Rory who had talked, since theses conversations had been like her therapy. It had helped her, talking about what she was going through, about the progress she made every day, no matter how little it had been. For example the first week without a drink, she and Tom had celebrated and went to a Starbucks instead of the park. After the first month Tom had taken a day off and they had laid around lazy in the park the whole day. It had also been the day when Tom had told her about the perfect job for her at a little paper of a friend.

Rory sat down at a bench and smiled when she thought back to these days. Tom had been so patient with her and he had really helped her through every step of her "recovery". While Rory was letting herself drift through the memories from the very beginning, she thought about the hopes and dreams she had formed again from the moment she began seeing Tom on a regular basis. How different her wishes had been from before, before she had gone to New York.

_**Listen, to the song here in my heart  
A me**__**lody I start but can't complete**_

To be true, Rory still didn't know what she wanted exactly, but she knew that she had to find out. Because the life she was leading now, wasn't what she wanted for sure. She just hoped that Tom would understand it, that he would let her go without a fight or anything. That maybe they could remain friends. Because no matter what, he had done so much for her in the past years and had really helped her._**  
**_Rory sighed heavily; she still cared about Tom, although she knew it wasn't enough to stay in a relationship with him. She hated the thought of hurting him, but she even more hated the thought of who she had become. She had become an entirely new person, someone she never wanted to be.

But, looking back now, she could somehow understand why she had changed. She didn't like who she was now, but she could still relate to the choices she had made. It had been hard on her to feel like a failure and like a disappointment for her mother and everyone she loved. She had been about to become an alcoholic and being raped, the only thing that had saved her was Tom. At least it had seemed like that to her. However, she had then tried frantically to hold onto Tom, her savior, because she felt like if she lost him, there was no guarantee for her life to go on normally.

Now things had changed, Rory had once thought that the old, naïve Rory had vanished, had gotten lost somewhere along the way. But Rory was still her old self, Rory Gilmore-Hayden had only been a mask, one that was beginning to fade. The old Rory was coming back, stronger than ever. And all that, because of her reunion with Logan and her mother and everyone else.

_**Listen, to the sound from deep within  
It's only beginning to find release **_

Although Rory didn't want to become her real self again for her mother or for her former friends. Because even though she knew that she had handled things wrong when she had gotten to New York and into trouble, she still couldn't get over the things she had heard and felt in Hartford. How her mother had abandoned her, how Luke and Christopher had taken Lorelai's side, how Lane had just waked out on her, how even Babette and Miss Patty had talked negatively about her…

In fact, she wasn't changing for Logan either, maybe partly, but during the night and the hours she had spent awake doing deep thinking, she had realized that she needed and wanted to change for her own sake, because she had been unhappy for quite some time and she finally needed to do something about it. It was time for her to pursue her old dreams, the ones she had nearly given up on completely. She wouldn't let anyone manipulate her or change her dreams and believes anymore.

_**Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard  
they will not be pushed aside and turned  
into your own all cause you won't listen **_

Suddenly a big dog bellowed and ran by the bench Rory was sitting on. The noise woke her up from the daydream she had been in. It made her remember the present and how badly things had turned out. Again, so to say. It seemed like in the end, New York just wasn't it for Rory.

Rory stood up decisive and began walking back to Tom's flat. She had to finally get it over with and she was feeling more like an idiot with every passing minute.

_I need to do this now, because with every__ passing minute I'm betraying Tom and Logan and myself. Like Logan said, he doesn't like the new Rory, and yet he kissed me, because he still believes in the old me. I became a different person for Tom, I thought the old me had died somewhere along the way, but I'm starting a comeback and I'm going to talk to Tom. Now._

Rory nodded a silent hello to the concierge, who was letting her in without any questions, after all she had been Tom's girlfriend for years now and she was as well known to the concierges as every habitant of the building. She even had a key to his flat, she had never used it before, but it was in her pocket right now.

While the elevator seemed to move torturing slowly up to the tenth floor Rory wondered when the moment in Tom's and her relationship had come, where there had been no hope anymore. She asked herself how something, that started out so perfectly could feel so wrong now.

_I guess there just isn't a happy ending for us. Tom told me flat out, that the society would always be a part of his life and I just… didn't fit in. I tried to and I managed to fit in somehow, but in the end I wasn't myself anymore. Just that I never really realized that, I always knew that something was wrong, that I wasn't truly happy, but I always ignored it and told myself that I was being ungrateful. I always felt obligated to Tom, because he saved me. He really did. But that's not the feeling you need for a solid relationship and the love I had for him, vanished when I got to know the other side of him._

The elevator finally reached the tenth floor and Rory left it quickly, knowing that the more time passed, the more she got scared and the bigger was the possibility that she'd chicken out. And that would only make it harder, since she had to talk to Tom eventually.

_Ok, here I am. I only need to press this black button next to the door and then I can't chicken out anymore. So now, I only have to raise my arm and press the button. Too bad I don't wanna do it. I really don't wanna do it. It's do or die. Damn it._

But Rory wasn't moving her arm, she was simply standing there, starring at the button. Not able to will her arm to do what she wanted it to do. She remembered how she had been here once before already, standing motionless in front of Tom's apartment door. It had been the day after she and Tom had had their TALK. The conversation in which Tom had told Rory everything about himself and who he really was. Then, after a few days, Rory had come here, to tell him that she wanted to try it. That she wanted to give "them" a chance.

Looking back now, Rory noticed that it really had taken her pretty long to decide what she wanted. She had even been standing in front of his apartment for about 20 minutes back then. Maybe that had been some kind of sign or something.

_Oh stop it, there's no point in searching for signs or something stupid like that. We just weren't meant to be. Plus I wasn't very spontaneous back then, I just came out of a very bad phase in my life and sponateous-ness was something I really didn't need. One thing about Tom that really amazed me back then was his complete un-spontaneous behavior he showed most of the time. No surprises and I got what I expected. Back then I needed that._

Suddenly the door was opened and Rory was immediately embarrassingly aware of her arm that was half raised and made her look like a complete idiot.

"Miss Gilmore-Hayden! Are you here for Mr Welton? He's right inside. Go ahead!" Susanna, Tom's maid, told Rory with this horrible fake, cherish smile that Rory hated so much about the society. Here in New York not only the women of society smiled like this but the maids too.

"Oh, ehm, sure. Thanks, Susanna." Rory told the maid, who just walked away without another word. Rory decided that she liked Linda better, another maid of the Welton family, who worked in the Tom's house outside of New York.

Rory walked into Tom's apartment and felt somehow strange, knowing that it was probably the last time she'd be in here. Nothing seemed to have changed, everything was just like Rory remembered it to be before the fight, before she had met Logan again, before the little trip to Hartford. Yet everything felt different.

"Tom?" Rory called out softly, not able to really call loud enough to let her voice reach every room of the large apartment. She knew that and sighed, she really hated feeling this intimidated by only a freaking apartment, but that was something she couldn't change now. "Tom?! Where are you?" She called now louder.

When no answer came back, Rory just walked into the living room, figuring that it would be the best if she waited there for Tom to show. He had to eventually.

Unfortunately, from her spot on the couch, she had a direct view of the pictures on the shelves, which partly showed Tom and his family and his childhood, but some were showing Tom and Rory together, like the perfect couple. Only that they weren't and never had been. It had seemed like it once to Rory. But that had been nothing but a lie, a beautiful mistake.

Rory tore her look away from the taunting pictures and closed her eyes. This wasn't how things were supposed to play out. She had never seen a moment like this coming, where she was ashamed of herself, where she had to admit that she had led an entirely fake life.

But she had. She hadn't felt home at her own home this night and it had been a hard realization to accept.

"Rory?" Tom asked from behind. Rory stood up quickly and spun around, not having heard him coming.

"Tom. Hey." She stuttered, trying to overplay her nervousness.

"What are you doing here? You didn't call, did you?" Tom questioned, sounding confused. His tone and his face told Rory that he had a major hang-over, which had to be the reason that he was acting this rude and wasn't apologizing or something.

"No, I didn't call, Tom. You called me last night, but I didn't call you." Rory explained annoyed. "I came here to talk to you. Ring a bell?"

It was as if a light literally shone on Tom's mind, because his face lit up out of the blue. He clearly seemed to remember everything again. When the smile appeared on his face and the half-apologetic, half-loving look entered his eyes, it physically hurt Rory to know what she was about to say. She had never wanted things to get this far.

"I'm sorry, Rory. I just had a little bit much to drink yesterday. However, I'm so glad you came by. After that call I really thought we had a little misunderstanding or a problem or something stupid like that. Good to know everything's fine, because I got plans for tonight, for you and for me. I hope you're not busy tonight?" Tom asked clearly excited about whatever he had planned.

Rory made an afflicted face, not knowing how to start, how to tell Tom that "they" weren't fine at all. That she only came by to break up with him. She really wondered how he could actually think that all the stuff she had told him yesterday had just been forgotten over the night. Every other guy would know that something wasn't right after that kind of a "talk" with his girlfriend. But Tom obviously didn't, he seemed quite confident about the very healthy state of relationship he and Rory had in his opinion.

_No way back. Just start talking, tell him calmly and well-over-thought that things just aren't working out. He'll understand. He won't fight you or anything. The world will keep on spinning and moving just the way she's doing it right now._

"Listen, Tom. I don't think us going out tonight is a good idea. I came here to talk to you, because I think it's time to talk seriously. About us." Rory began tentatively, trying to read from his face what kind of reaction was waiting for her. "Me coming here, wasn't supposed to give you the impression that's we're "ok". What I said yesterday while we talked on the phone, I meant it. I know you didn't mean to upset me and I also know that you only wanted to be a good boyfriend, but I'm not a girl like that. I want some privacy and I want to be actually asked about a date or something BEFORE the day it's supposed to happen. But I'm not here to tell you how to ask me out. You remember how I told you that I hated society when you told me who you really were? Well, I know I said that I'd want to try and that I wanted to make it work, and I really did, but now I realized how stupid that was. It might seem a little late, but I don't think it's working. It's at least not working for me." Rory finished and took a deep breath since she hadn't inhaled during the whole speech.

Tom wasn't looking really impressed or just affected at all, what caused Rory to wonder if he had understood her or if his, probably bad, headache had prevented him from hearing her perfect break-up speech. Well perfect is always relative.

She waited for the words that were bound to come now, all the promises about how things would change, about how they'd be able to figure things out. Only that, that wasn't going to happen.

"Ehm, don't you have anything to say?" Rory asked after a few moments of silence.

"I'm not sure. Because what you just said made no sense at all. Maybe it's the hangover that's to blame, but right now I don't really know what you want me to say." Tom explained slowly.

"What I want you to say? Great, you know, in the last ten minutes the reason why I'm here has gotten clearer to me than in the whole last two years!" Rory exclaimed frustrated. It felt like some higher might was trying to make it really hard for Rory to get through this conversation. "You shouldn't tell me what I want to hear, but what you think. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours, that's all I'm asking for. But you know what? Forget it, I'm really not here to fight with you. I think it's too late for that and there's no point in it. I know this might sound pretty blunt, but this whole thing is really getting on my nerves and I haven't slept much this night, so let's just get to the point.

I think that our relationship isn't working out. We should take a pause, take some time apart from each other and think about what we want our future to be like. Maybe seeing other people, finding out what we want and everything."

"You gotta be kidding, right? What does this mean? Seeing other people? I'm happy with seeing you and I certainly don't need time to think about it. I don't get you today, Rory. I mean a few days ago everything was ok and now it's suddenly over?" Tom questioned confused and upset.

"No, Tom, it's not suddenly over. In case you don't remember or if you have suppressed it, but we had a fight after that charity function a few days ago. Plus, last night, you didn't mistake that for a normal, all lovey-dovey conversation, did you? Besides, as I tried to tell you, that things haven't worked out for me for quite some time. I really tried to fit in, to be the girlfriend you wanted and be a part of the society. But that's just not me! I thought about us, and my whole life, a lot in the last days and I realized that I don't wanna live like this anymore. I don't want to go to any charity functions anymore and I'd be entirely happy if I wouldn't have to talk to these so called society women ever again. When I think about my everyday life, I noticed that I've become what I hated since I was a little kid. I don't wanna be this woman anymore and the first thing to change this is what I'm doing here. I'm sorry to say this and I'm really grateful for everything you've done for me, but we're over." Rory ended sounding slightly impatient.

Tom looked pretty upset by now and Rory saw the protest that was about to come on his face. She sighed, not knowing how much more of this conversation she could take. She didn't hate Tom and she knew that she was hurting him, especially since he really had been clueless about how unhappy Rory had truly been. It wasn't his fault that Rory had learned to be such a good actress, she had even successfully fooled herself for years. But he had to understand that she wasn't the woman he thought she was. She just wasn't the perfect trophy wife, the one who just stood behind her man and didn't say what she was really thinking. The one who appreciates it to have men telling her what she wants to hear instead of the truth.

She didn't want to hurt him, because she still cared about the kind Tom she knew he could be, but she was growing tired of his attitude and that he kept on ignoring what she said really got on her nerves.

"Rory, I see that you're serious about this and I get that we have to talk. Unfortunately I have a business meeting in half an hour and I really got to get going and grab some coffee on the way. So I'd say let's talk about this whole thing tonight and maybe we can put aside this misunderstanding or whatever you want to call it. I already booked a table at that one restaurant, that one you liked so much last time we went there. I'll pick you up at eight?" Tom asked while he was already retreating from the room.

"Tom, did you even listen to any of what I was saying?" Rory called after him indignantly. "Didn't I tell you that I'm not going to this date tonight with you? What's there left to talk about? I hate that things ended this way, because they began so seemingly perfect, but this isn't something we can discuss while dinner. It's over, Tom." Rory ended half pleading, pleading for understanding and for Tom to finally just accept it.

Rory followed Tom into the kitchen, where he was taking some aspirin along with a glass of water. When she saw him like this, she couldn't help but to think about how perfect he had once seemed to her. But here he was, having a major hangover and a hell of a headache, he suddenly seemed vulnerable and even weak to Rory. She couldn't quite explain it, before she had always seen him as the strong boyfriend, but now she realized that he was nothing but trapped in the world he had been born into. Maybe he wasn't even that happy with his life himself, only that he wouldn't break the pattern since he didn't know anything else. Then Rory felt another emotion towards him, one she hadn't felt connected with Tom ever before. Pity. She pitied him, because she could say for sure what his life would be like from now on until the end.

His job and his whole life might have seemed perfect, just like their relationship had, but there was no spirit in it, no life. He was stuck in a pattern that always repeated itself and he'd soon enough find another girlfriend that would replace Rory easily. Like she had never been gone.

Rory really hoped that he'd find the perfect woman for him, that they'd be happy together. But this woman wasn't her and it was the right thing to let him go. The right thing for both of them was to move on.

"Tom, I…" Rory began again, not even knowing what to say. She felt somehow exhausted, like she had spent hours of talking.

"I'm sorry, but I really gotta go now. I'll give you a call and if I won't, I'll see you tonight and then we'll talk." Tom said and rushed out the door.

Rory felt like in a very weird dream. Tom had completely ignored what she had told him, he hadn't listened at all. And now he really thought she'd be going to that stupid dinner with him tonight.

_God, what's wrong with today? I really tried hard to make him understand, but it's like talking to a wall! But I'm not going. I'm so not going tonight._

_

* * *

  
_

It was 6 p.m. and Rory was sitting in her apartment, watching TV while the phone was ringing. She made no move to pick the phone up, although it was placed right next to her. The only signs that she was actually hearing the rings were the annoyed side glances she threw in the direction of the phone.

The reason for that untypical behavior was that she knew exactly who was calling her, or better she could narrow it down to two persons: Lorelai or Tom. She wanted to talk to neither of them.

She wasn't up to talking to her mother, since that would either have ended in a huge argument or in a make-up and both were things Rory didn't feel like doing. She had said what she wanted to and wasn't in the mood to discuss it with her mother. She knew, that if they talked, Lorelai would eventually ask about what had happened to Rory and Rory didn't wanna tell her what had really happened in the first months she had spend in New York, but she didn't wanna lie anymore either. So she just didn't pick up. Even when her mother had been calling her already ten times since she had come back from her little shopping trip. She had gone shopping after she had left Tom's apartment and had been in all of her favorite book stores in the city, with other words in quite a lot.

And if Tom was calling, then she sure as hell didn't want to pick up, because after a few hours of book-shopping, she had gotten really mad about how Tom had ignored her. She still wasn't sure if he had really been that oblivious or if he had done the whole act on purpose, only to force her into going to dinner with him.

Whatever had really happened, she hated Tom for doing that to her and she hated herself for letting him do that to her. But what she hated most, was that stupid phone that kept on ringing.

The phone stopped ringing – finally – and Rory was about to thank God, that she was finally able to understand the cheesy, pathetic TV-show she was watching. It made her feel better about her own life, watching a druggie lying about him being clean live on TV. Too bad these shows were all fake.

Suddenly her cell began to ring and Rory groaned while she fished for it in her purse. Why couldn't people just leave her alone to swallow a bit longer in self-pity? Well, at least it wasn't the phone that was ringing.

"Yeah?" Rory asked annoyed when she excepted the call. Unfortunately she had forgotten to check the Caller-ID.

"Rory, finally! I called you about fifty times at your apartment, but you weren't picking up!" Lorelai's hasty voice came out of Rory's cell, causing her to groan silently once again. Why were people, her mother, so insistent, when it was so obvious that she didn't wanna talk?!

"Mom, ever thought of the possibility that I don't want to talk to you right now?"

"Well, you did talk to me last night. And no, I totally suppressed that scary thought. I actually called because I think we need to talk. You said some things last night and… well… I'm in the train right now, but I'll arrive in the city in about half an hour, so if you don't have plans for tonight, maybe we could have dinner or something?" Lorelai explained quickly and she sounded pretty nervous.

"What? Now, after I told you that you were a bad mother, now, after two years of not seeing each other, after the way you treated me last night, now you're asking me out for dinner?" Rory asked incredulously, not believing the nerve her mom had. As if that would make everything right, as if that would help Rory.

The calls had been nice and Rory had been kind of happy about them, very deep inside, but she sure as hell wasn't happy about her mother just showing up in New York without any warning. Actually Rory had planned on calling Lorelai back as soon as she had figured out the whole breaking-up thing with Tom and had calmed down a bit. But now it seemed like this option had gone with the wind.

But Rory wasn't going to just give in like that, she had pushed her dreams aside for far too long to take it for even one more time. If certain people didn't want to hear her words or didn't want to acknowledge them, then it wasn't her fault anymore.

"Listen, you said some things about how I wasn't there for you when you came to New York. You're right, I wasn't, I didn't know something was wrong, I really didn't. I had been so occupied with my own life, with Luke and Chris, because your father had decided he wanted to actually move to Stars Hollow. And Luke had been so jealous, I would have laughed if I didn't have to keep them apart and prevent world war three. Who knew that it was nearly started over a woman? I'm pretty sure now that the first two were started because of some women too, believe me, nothing get's men in better mood to fight than over a women. Screw money, might and fame, deep down these people were all romantics!" Lorelai ended her little theory, clearly expecting Rory to laugh and make some assumptions herself. But Rory wasn't laughing, nor retorting anything witty.

"Mom, I'm busy tonight, sorry. I have work to do and everything, I think best thing would be if we'd talk tomorrow or sometime other." Rory suggested calmly, not letting any of her feelings show in her voice.

"No, I'm not taking "no" for an answer. You'll just have to cancel for tonight and take some time for the woman who gave birth to you and raised you so you would be able to work at "The Times" today, never forget that, it's all because of me! Besides, you're always working too hard anyway and "The Times" should better be happy they got you working for them, not the other way round!"

Rory listened impatiently to her mother babbling, the more Lorelai talked, the more Rory knew she wasn't ready to talk face-to-face with her mother yet. But she also knew that her mother wouldn't leave her alone until they had agreed on a dinner date.

_What is it with everyone today that they all wanna force me to go out to dinner with them so badly? Am I the only one in this god damn city that doesn't wanna go to dinner tonight???_

Suddenly an idea came to Rory, an evil idea. Evil but perfect and most likely very effective. At least she'd be left alone for the night. Hopefully.

"Mom? You can stop talking, I'm giving in. Let's have dinner tonight. 8 p.m., give me a second I'll just book a table for two, alright?" Rory asked and before Lorelai could answer anything she had already put her on hold and dialed another number. All the time she was having this really evil-and-malicious-joy-grin.

"Tom? I wanted to talk to you about tonight…" She said as soon as someone answered the phone.

"I'm sorry, it's not Mr. Welton, it's Susanna. Miss Gilmore-Hayden, what can I do for you?" Susanna's fake friendly voice answered. Rory was surprised for a second, but then she shrugged her shoulders, it didn't make any different if Susanna was on the phone or Tom.

"Oh, Susanna, hi. I just wanted to let Tom know that he doesn't need to pick me up, I'll come straight to the restaurant, if you would let me know which one he chose. He told me he had booked a table at one we've already been too before…"

"Sure, Miss Gilmore-Hayden, it's the "Rainbow", I believe. I'll tell him about your call when he comes home from the meeting."

"It's Miss Gilmore, please, no Hayden anymore, alright? Thanks, Susanna." Rory said sweetly and hang up, getting back on the phone with Lorelai.

"Mom? Come at 8 p.m. to the "Rainbow", alright? It's in Manhattan, I don't know the address by heart, but just ask anyone; it's kind of famous for its excellent food. It's booked on the name Welton, I'm sorry about that, but don't get confused alright? Just say that you're Miss Gilmore and they'll bring you to the right table. I gotta go now, bye!" Rory explained quickly and hang up before her mother could say anything else.

Then she reached for the control and turned the TV louder, the evil smile of satisfaction still on her face. This was just too good, and although she'd die to be in the "Rainbow" tonight to see how dinner went between Tom and Miss Gilmore, she decided to just stay home and enjoy the evening. After all Casanova was on TV tonight, she couldn't miss that, now could she?

* * *

Rory woke up at 1:30 a.m. in the middle of the night, due to some banging noises from her apartment door. Although, while Rory was unwillingly getting up, the sounds rather reminded her of someone actually KICKING against her door.

"I can't believe you did that!" Tom exclaimed as soon as Rory opened the door. Then he marched right next to Rory into the apartment, not even waiting for her inviting him in. She sighed and closed the door, knowing that she had had it coming. She even had had a slightly bad conscience, because she had totally set up her mother and Tom as well. But if they had just listened to her, everything would be alright and she wouldn't have her angry boyfriend – EX-boyfriend – in her apartment right now.

"So, I guess dinner didn't go that well?" Rory asked sarcastically, fighting hard to not laugh or at least grin while picturing Tom's and Lorelai's face when they were seated next to each other.

"That depends on what you mean; if you're asking if it didn't go as planned. Damn right. If you're asking if my girlfriend had stood me up? You're right there also. If you're asking if I enjoyed being questioned all night about said girlfriend by her mother about her time in New York, I can tell you, I don't, so that didn't go well either. At least not for me. I'm sure that Lorelai is kind of happy now, she really was eager to find out what was going on with you ever since you left that small excuse of a town of yours, although she's probably going to call you or something tomorrow. She didn't seem happy about your dinner arrangement either." Tom ended his rant in order to take a deep breath. Rory would definitely have lasted longer with the whole "talking-without-getting-air-thing".

Rory sighed, she really wasn't looking forward to continue this conversation since she already knew the ending. She just wished Tom would just accept the break-up and wouldn't make it so hard. It wasn't like there was anything left to say that would change her mind or something.

"I'm sorry about that dinner tonight, but you weren't listening to me. Neither was my mother. You both were so determined to just move on and act like nothing ever happened, but it did. I'm not happy with my life and with you Tom, and I'm really sorry, but I can't change it. I know that you don't get it and that you probably think we could figure things out and everything, but… we can't. I'm not the one for you and you're not it for me. I really care about you, and that's why I'm breaking up with you. I'm honest with you Tom, and I hope that maybe we can remain friends." Rory ended, not breaking eye-contact with Tom. This time it seemed like he was actually listening.

"But I love you." Tom stated somewhat disbelieving, like a little child who wasn't getting that his feelings weren't the problem and not the only ones that mattered.

Rory looked at Tom sadly, thinking that this words were just too typical for him. So Tom-ish. But she wasn't really believing that it was true, that he really loved her. Because they weren't right for each other and somewhere deep down he had to know that. At least that was what she hoped. But one thing was now more than obvious, Tom didn't understand her, didn't get what she was feeling. And how could he? Rory was sure he had never felt like he had lost himself, like he had changed into someone he didn't want to be.

She saw how he opened his mouth again to say something, and his pleading eyes told her what he wanted to tell her. That they would figure it out if she gave him just one last chance. That everything would be alright.

She saw how he opened his mouth again to say something, and his pleading eyes told her what he wanted to tell her. That they would figure it out if she gave him just one last chance. That everything would be alright. The sad thing was, that he really still seemed to believe that it would work. That he could talk her out of breaking up with him, that he could just convince her otherwise, just because he said so. But that wasn't going to work this time, because Rory had literally found herself again and she wouldn't give that up once again. For no one.

"No Tom, it won't be alright. Just let it go, please." Rory asked pleadingly. "Let me go."

"So there's nothing I can do to change your mind?" Tom asked calmly.

"No, I'm sorry but there isn't. And it's not your fault; I'm the one to blame, I tried to make things work, but I couldn't." Rory assured him, glad that he finally seemed to listen.

She nearly sighed relieved, because it seemed finally done. She felt good about it, a little bit too good actually, considering Tom had been her boyfriend for years, but she just felt like one of the biggest steps to become her old self again had just been made, and that made her truly happy for the first time in the last years.

She didn't know what would happen in the next weeks, but she was certain that there would be some more changes and she looked forward to it. Come what may, she finally felt like she was on the right way.

"Well, if you want me so bad to leave you, then I will. But once I'm outside this door, then I won't take you back, no matter how much you'll regret your decision tomorrow. Sure you don't want to think it over, before you come crawling back to me when it's too late?" Tom questioned still completely calm, but his voice was threatening soft. While he spoke, he was going to the apartment door and stopped walking on the outside, turning around, facing Rory who had followed him. His look told her, that if she closed the door it was over. Funny, he was acting like it was a threat, when in reality, Rory had asked him now several times, exactly for this: the end of their relationship.

"What are you talking about? Why should I regret my words tomorrow?" Rory asked, clueless what Tom was implying. A part of her just wanted to close the door and end this stupid conversation, she couldn't think of a reason why she should change her mind, so why was she still listening? If he didn't want to end it on friendly basis, then it wasn't her decision to make. But she couldn't help but being curious about what he meant and so she stood there, waiting for him to share his thoughts.

""When you're going to work tomorrow and you'll find yourself fired, I think then you'll probably regret your words." Tom explained coldly, not letting any emotion show on his face. He was the perfect poker-player, which came in handy now.

Rory gasped, not believing what she heard. Tom claimed to love her, he wouldn't really do this to her, would he?

"You wouldn't do that." Rory said disbelievingly. It was hard on her to understand that the guy she once really loved, was threatening her right now.

When Tom didn't answer and only kept starring at her, the realization sunk in and Rory began thinking quickly. So he would try to get her fired. She really should have expected it, in his world, Rory had just done him wrong, so now he wanted revenge. The chances that he would go through with it weren't that bad, considering she had only gotten the job because of him. For one moment the naïve Rory contradicted, said that her boss wouldn't fire her just because Tom said so, after all she had done good work. But then the realistic side in her took over, and she knew, that if she broke up with Tom, she'd sooner or later lose her job at "The Times". All the hours she had worked her ass off would have been in vain.

The strange thing about that was that Rory didn't find it scary or anything. It was something that was bound to happen and she wasn't going to stay in a relationship with no love in it. She wasn't going to lead this fake life for the rest of her days if she could help it. Besides, she had thought about leaving New York anyways, due to Logan not living there. Although Rory had tried hard not to plan her future with Logan too far before she had really ended things with Tom, she was pretty positive that she would be with Logan in the near future and that she wasn't going to do a long-distance-relationship.

"Alright, do it, if it makes you happy. If they fire me, I'll live. And rest assured that I won't come "crawling back to you" ever, because if I didn't know it before, I know it now, you don't love me and staying with you would be one of the biggest mistakes in my whole life. Because you're nothing but a good-looking, cocky, insecure bastard."

Tom looked at her half angry, half surprised, he certainly hadn't expected her to just brush his threat off. Rory knew that a month or two ago, she would have quickly reconsidered and thought it over if she had been afraid to lose her job, but now she didn't even care.

She made one last time eye contact with Tom and said silently good-bye to the spoilt rich man, because that was all she saw now in him and closed the door. She was more than just one of his girls who only wanted his money and social status and everything. She had been with him for his own sake, not for his last name. But that was something he probably would never understand.

Rory went back to bed and switched off the lights. She laid there in the dark, starring at the ceiling, when a soft smile crept on her face. She was going to go her own way and she wasn't going to fail or let anyone get in her way ever again.

* * *

Ok, so that was it. It wasn't very good, now was it? See, that's what I meant. But I still don't know what EXACTLY is off, I can't pin point it. And that sucks. Not knowing totally SUCKS. So, please try and help me out, tell me. Maybe I can then finally rewrite this chapter into somehting I'm happy with too...

Maybe I repeated Rory's thoughts too often, but everytime I rewrote that it turned out the same (believe me I tried several times). Same with Tom. Maybe I pictured him a little bit too harsh in the end, but... oh well, I think you're getting my point by now...I'd give anything for your opinions^^

Anyways... MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE! I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE (WHITE) CHRISTMAS! Also hope that your wishes come true and maybe, maybe mine (concerning a certain guy) will come true too. Well, you can always hope, right? ;)


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